Spock
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“SPOCK!”
~ Cap'n Kirk on Spock
“Spock is dead.”
~ 193X on Spock
“193X is a number! Hah! You expect me to believe that thing ever lived?”
~ Spock on 193X
“I want him to use the Vulcan neck pinch on me! But it's not my neck that I want pinched. It's this big boil on my neck that is called my head.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Spock
Spock Edith Van Houllsehoseer was well-known for his impeccable logic, his keen fashion sense, and his farting and well-aimed volleys of excrement in the general direction of the Prime Directive.
Spock (2344-?) is a Vulcan/Turkish ambassador to Kenya, chief Awesomeness officer, and Lieutenant-Commander-Major-Colonel aboard the Intergalactic Submarine, U.S.S. Enterprise. As a part time job he works as a hotdog vendor in France. Spock, sometimes referred to as "Mr. Spock," was Captain Kirk's wife. Spock was notorious for being a complete emotional wreck, as well as a slash fiction aficionado. His father, Sarek, died in a carek.
As a sideline, he also gives advice on raising children, although he, himself, has never had any, due to his painful and repeated bouts of impotence during the Vulcan mating season, po'ng dong. One of his achievements in raising chidren is the founding of TERD, or Teacher's Educational Reading Directions. They tell school teachers how to teach children.
Spock is also the leader (lehendakari) of the Basque Country (see Spain#Wildlife). Spock is not a spick (an ethnic slur for a person of Latino/Hispanic descent), but he can be considered a hvick (an ethnic slur for a person of Human/Vulcan descent)
Spock isn't really a pure-blooded Vulcan, but is desperate to have people think he is. In 2285, Vulcans conspired to take over the Earth with giant bunnies, rabbits, and hares, some with a diameter of over a centimeter! Many Vulcan half-breeds helped them in their attempt, which was discovered by Dr. Who, who put an end to that nonsense straightaway and sent them packing, spit-spot!
Vulcans in general, and Spock in particular, are interesting to study because of the acoustic properties of their ears, which, when struck with a rubber mallet operate identically to tuning forks.
A common misconception about Spock is that he invented the spork. In fact, he invented much more popular spknife.
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[edit] Sex-Tape Controvercy
During a transmission to Earth Captain Kirk accidentally sent a video of himself and Mr. Spock (A.K.A "I'm Human, No Wait! I'm Vulcan! No! Human! No Wait I'm Actually A Lepricaun! Hang on, I'm Human!") engaging in homosexual activities in Spock's Quarters, titled Youranus - Search For Kling-Ons. Spock was abruptly Fired from his possition of Head-Chef aboard the Enterprise but later found a career as running for Miss Gay Vulcan. after a labourious career with little sucess he finally came second in 2215 leading to a career in advertising products aimed at homosexuals simply because hes not that good, just cant hire the winner, so we gots us a Spock instead a spokesman for "lust 'n' lube" a lubrication company based on Vulcan reported after being asked why Spock was hired. It was then discovered, after closer inspection, that Spock's penis, as all vulcans can, can retract his penis up to his body as protection from very low flying birds. Until this time a little known fact on Vulcans.
[edit] Death of Spock
Spock, aka Leonard Nimoy, aka that guy with the pointy ears, aka The MuffinMan, aka Sydney Carton, was killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver. Some think it was the Trekkies who killed him. In truth, Spock suffered death at the hands of a light speed piano solo played by EL MATTINATOR!
[edit] After Death
Spock aimlessly walks the Earth using his trademark Vulcan Death Grip on unsuspecting victims. He is in spite of his old the partner of Capitan Kirk protests outside Westminster Palace.
In celebration of the life of Spock, Vulcans celebrate Spocktoberfest, which is more logical than Oktoberfest because 1. it actually happens in October not September on the Julian calendar and 2. there is lots of drinking (romulan ale) and polka dancing and not much in the way of senseless torture. Just a little, mostly with daggers.
[edit] Further Reading
- I Am Not Spock - Dr Spock
- I Am Spock - Dr Spock
- I Am Also Scotty - Dr McCoy
- No you're not I AM! - Dr Spock
- I am a Vulcan - Spock md.
- I am not a Vulcan - Spock md.
- But you said you weren't - Dr McCoy
- I lied - Spock md.
- I implied - Spock md.
- I Spocked Your Mom - Phil LaMarr
- Living with Spock - John Redwood's Wife
- Cocaine destroyed my identity - The Man formely known as Dr Spock
- "Spock" rhymes with "cock" - William Shatner's autobiography
[edit] See also
| Captains |
James T. Kirk - Jean-Luc Picard - William Riker - Kathryn Janeway - Jonathan Archer |
| Other people |
Data - Dr. Leonard McCoy - Tuvok - Kira Nerys - Gul Dukat - Pavel Chekov - Q - Scotty - Spock - Weyoun - Worf - Leslie |
| Species | |
| Other things |
Borg Collective - Captain's log - Holodeck - Klingon checkers - Prime Directive - The United Federation of Planets - Trekkie - Tribble - USS Enterprise |
