“Every Sports Comedy that is directed with feeling is a film of the director, not of the sport.”
The Sports Comedy is a sub-style of the American Genre of Comedy films. Sports Comedies are generally popular with most children, caring and loving parents, and obese couch potatoes - adding up to about 63% of the collective population of Western/Developed countries. The other 37% are either Uncyclopedians, or non-losers.
Sports Comedies are also known as a template.
Sports Comedies are called a template by I, because they epitomize the word. All sports comedies are variations on an age-old formula, consisting of the following ingredients:
Team Sports Comedies
- 1. A sports team, usually mediocre in every respect.
- 2. An inspirational player, or coach, who miraculously transforms the team skillful.
- 3. A randomly special and quirky (funny) ability for each player on the underdog team.
- 4. One player that sucks a lot, and thus is the object of much of the physical comedic hilarity of the movie. Small children and Emos enjoy watching this.
- 5. A big tournament, which the underdog team must win, for some random reason.
- 6. A random reason for winning the tournament.
- 7. Another really good team that could possibly win, who are sinister in some way.
- 8. A really quick montage sequence with quick music showing the two good teams winning all their games.
- 9. A defining moment for the formerly bad team, such as the coach dying, and the team having to look within themselves for the will to win.
- 10. The final, in which the underdog team wins, with quasi-inspirational music playing in the background, and a really emotional montage.
- 11. The hero of the film (usually played by Adam Sandler) falling in love with some quasi-hot babe (but no sex - all sports comedies are PG or better...or worse, whichever way you look at it.)
Individual Sports Comedies
- Identical in every respect to a Team Sports Comedy, except with an individual sportsman, not a team.
What Ought to Happen, just to spice the Template Up A Bit.
Everything should remain the same, except for the final five minutes where the following insignificant plot points are tweaked:
- Sandler's underdog team loses.
- Sandler's character doesn't get the girl.
- Instead, he goes to her house with flowers, only to find her seduced by the hunky captain of the victorious team.
- Emotionally stricken, Sandler's character then walks off down the sidewalk, and tosses the flowers away.
- Torrential rain and golf-ball sized hail stones and "Why Does It Always Rain On Me" doesn't begin to play softly in the background.
- Sandler's character is shot by James Bond (the Sean Connery version).
- Sandler's character gets sent to Hell by God (played by Morgan Freeman) after attempting to enter heaven. This scene is promptly followed by "The End".
Why Sports Comedies go Unappreciated by real Sports People
It is known that Sports Comedies are unappreciated by actual sports people for two reasons.
- Adam Sandler is no super human, as they are.
- They can identify with injury, and don't enjoy it very much.