Spuck

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The word "Spuck" means absolutely nothing. It is merely a weird sounding word that SOUNDS like a curse due to the "uck" part, but in truth, it is nothing but a word. A poor, defenseless word that is wrongly accused as being a swear, when it does not mean anything at all.

Piss me off and I will spuck you up Private Pyle!!

History[edit]

The word spuck was originally invented by Grug, a great caveman philosopher. It was the first ever attempt at language but before he could show the meaning to the word he got his foot stuck in a chipmunk hole in the ground and could not avoid being run over by a really fat dinosaur rolling down a hill faster than the Mach 5 at full speed. He was completely flattened and spontaneously combusted, thus discovering fire, one of the greatest inventions of all time... but since he died, the word Spuck was left with no meaning.

Thousands of years later, one of Grug's ancestors found a tablet with the word Spuck written on it. He tried to figure out what the word means through family stories and legends, but to no avail. There was no evidence that spuck was even a real word. He searched every other research he had. He even sent messenger squirrels out across the globe to search for information about the mysterious word. Sadly, Grug's ancestor died in a pie eating contest because he choked on a piece of pie. The tablet was accidentally buried with his body and was lost for 5,000 more years.

A bunch more years later, some kids in school thought of a random word. The word was Spuck. They thought they were pretty clever, thinking of their own word and all. They were wrong. One day the Royal Ministry of Grug (his ancestors) arrived in their home town. Apparently, the Ministry had found no meaning for the word Spuck and deemed it as a legal word with no meaning. The boys then cried because they thought they thought that they made up their own word. Now, one of the boys is typing this very article, so that it will remain on the Internet until the end of time... or the end of the Internet... or until some mean administrator deletes this article thinking his is some cool lard pants.

Examples[edit]

Example #1: A boy and his friend are walking through the halls of his middle school, and they are joking around. One of them calls the other one "stupid." Knowing that his friend was only kidding around, he called his friend a "spuck." His friend called him a spuck back. After this exchange of harmless, meaningless words, a teacher walks up to these two boys and begins to give them a stern lecture about how not to swear in school. The boys tell the teacher the word “spuck” does not actually mean anything. At first the teacher does not believe them, but then he goes to a dictionary to find the meaning of the word, and there is none. After finding that they boys were telling the truth, he apologizes for getting angry at them, and tells them to run along.

Things go better with Spuck!® It's all part of a balanced breakfast!

Example #2: A little girl is walked through the hall of her school, and she hears some of the older kids calling each other “spucks.” She does not know what it means, but likes the sound of it, so she goes back to her classroom and begins calling her friends and teachers “spucks.” At first, the teachers get mad and are about to call the girl’s parents, but then they look it up on Wikipedia and find this entry (without this example of course, this example was added later.) The teachers apologized to the little girl for getting mad and give her a big cookie at lunch time.

Example #3: A grown man is on his lunch break at work. He is a middle-aged man and has a decent job. He graduated from the Naval Academy and has 5 kids. The man called his secretary a Spuck while they were eating lunch. The secretary lady begins to cry like a baby. The man cannot get her to calm down. After several minutes of her wailing, the man's boss arrives to see what the commotion is. When the man's boss finds out what happened, the man is fired. After being unemployed for a week, the man gets a call from his boss, asking him to come back to work and that he realized that Spuck is not a bad word. The man went back to work and received a raise for all the trouble that his boss caused him.

Legal Action Against "Spuck"[edit]

In 2001, an Arkansas high school mathematics teacher by the name of Henie Pimplepuss filed a lawsuit against the parents of his entire Sophomore B Level Algebra II class, for allowing their children to use the word "spuck" in such a casual way. During his testimony, he stated that "Whenever I hear this vile word, my childhood Muslim tendencies kick in, and I feel compelled to writhe on the ground in pain. I have asked the students multiple times to refrain from using this word in my presence, but they ignored my pleas, and things just went downhill from there; They wrote "spuck" as their name on their test sheets. They answered every other question with the word "spuck", which was only the correct answer once. On top of it all, they spray painted my side of my house with this unbearable word. I blame this rebellion on the lack of authority taken by their parents! THERE WILL BE A NEW ORDER!!!" Pimplepuss proceeded to writhe on the ground in pain. The first testimony from a student abruptly ended after he realized that he was, in fact, in a courtroom, and not his shower. He was escorted from the courtroom by security, shower cap, bathing suit, flippers and all. A hefty sum of $20 and a queen-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch was awarded to Pimplepuss, who died shortly after the testimony from an Cinnamon Toast Crunch overdose.

When I witnessed the solar eclipse last year in Hawaii, I thought 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?' I don't know! I'm a caveman, that's the way I think! However, one thing I do know, is that Nike owes my client one million dollars!

In 2005, a self-proclaimed descendant of Grug filed a lawsuit against Nike, in defense of the word "spuck". Nike had recently changed their slogan from the sexually suggestive "Just Do It" to a more family-appropriate one, "Just Spuck It". The self-proclaimed descendant, an 81-year old Icelandic man by the name of Jockic Freelandersonsmorganscarlettjohansson, sued Nike for $1,000,000, with the claim that they didn't receive permission from him to use his family's term so freely. After the testimonies, the honorable judge OJ Simpson applied a bright yellow rubber glove to his hand, and coyly said "Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, I wonder where my glove will go." It was clear that Nike had won the case after that, but soon dropped the new-found slogan after receiving hundreds of complaint letters from concerned mothers, one simply reading in huge red font, "PERVERTS!!!" Although Nike tried to explain that spuck had no meaning, the overprotective mothers wouldn't listen, and riots ensued in Nike factories across the U.S. and Canada. Mexican mothers, however, supported the new slogan, and profits went up 24.6% in that country.

The Save Spuck Foundation[edit]

The Save Spuck Foundation is a non-profit organization started by the Royal Ministry of Grug. It was started to help raise money to convince people that the word Spuck had no meaning and that people should not be punished for saying it. The Ministry raises money by the means of Stealing From Little Girls, Bake Sales, Selling Trick-or-Treat Candy for Money, and even Ransom. The foundation was started in 1999 and the Ministry did a pretty good job of raising money until 2005.

Attempts at finding a meaning[edit]

Dictionary Definition[edit]

Spuck, n. (Pronunciation, “spu-ck.”)- There is no meaning to this word. If you search in on a website such as dictionary.com [1] and search "Spuck," you will not find a definition. Instead, you will find a bunch of useless other words that hold no meaning to the word Spuck, which has no meaning.

Other Websites[edit]

Websites such as urbandictionary.com [2] have come up with several different meanings for the word, but sadly, they are all WRONG. Here are some of the attempts from urban dictionary:

1. A hocker, loogey, slug on the ground.

2. The act of hocking a loogey.

3. The sound made when someone is hit by a bus.

4. The most frequently used word in the language of Spa. It translates directly to buck, cluck, duck, fuck, luck, muck, puck, pluck, suck, stuck, tuck, truck, and yuck, though, for the most part, just fuck.

5. The Navy Pilots handle for a special pilot named Chuck. It is meant to be "Special Chuck". Usually referred to a Naval Academy Graduate that always rode the "short bus" to class.


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