St George is well known for being a top bloke. He was responsible for the merger of the crowns of England (of which he is the Patron Saint), and Georgia (of which he is the Patron Street), in Twelve Twelvty-twelve. Since then he has also conquered Algeria, Cyprus, Palestine (although there are ongoing issues here), and, more usefully (what with the football and the nice food), Barcelona.
St George was the first man to slay a Dragoon in what is now modern day Iraq. He was later executed for worshiping Ultra Jesus by the Romans who were under the command of Jango Vader. St George is also well known for being the only Saint whose first name actually was St.
In 1545 he was announced a Saint by the Pope and made patron saint of England. Due to large amounts of mystical energy found under the British Isles, this resulted in St George being resurrected and so he became the first man in over 100 years to be a proper Defender of the Country.
The following year he invented a day for himself, this day was originally called Vaisakhi, but was changed to St George's Day to avoid confusion. On this day Englishmen celebrate the invention of Racism by St George's friend, Sir Reginald Racism.
St George is also one of the few people, living or dead, to have a flag. His flag is created by spilling the blood of your enemy onto a white sheet, and, using straws, blowing it out to all four sides. The flag is completed by drawing a smiling sun in the upper flyside canton and a butterfly in the lower flyside canton.
Since then St George has fought over Five Billion battles for Great Britain. He retired in 1925 after he bruised his leg in World War 1 on 23rd April 1916. British people now commemorate this day with a lugubrious festival of passive-aggressive paranoia, in which the following catechism is repeated in a ritualised low, moaning tone:
Why can't we celebrate St. George's Day?
All them forriners get to do that Ramadan and that
And that Duwally
Whose country is it anyway?
It is believed that the purpose of this meditation is to ritually recreate the pain of St. George's agonising wound.
St. George was nominated top dragon slayer of 500 BC by the Roman Empire.
|Protector of the British Isles
1545 - 1925