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Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Staines. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

Staines, normally preceded by the word "embarrassing" is a town in Surrey located next to northern Hampshire in southern England, and is famed for causing unremovable spillages. Once upon a time, Ali G claimed to be from West Staines. This has since been proven false by many of Staines's current celebrities, such as David Hasslehof and Les Dennis.

In 1973 Staines was bombed flat for the purpose of making a documentary about what happens when a city in Britain is bombed flat. Apparently it gets flatter.

Staines is the new name of this historic city. The Romans built it as a brothel town in the late BCs and named it Mucus. It was renamed Skidmark by the Vikings in the 5th Century ACDC and remained such until William the Conqueror stopped to poo into the River Thames there in 1067 and took the opportunity to rename the town one last time.