Stairs

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“Taw”

~ Caernarfon teen on Stairs

“It's time to begin, let's count it in, 9,10,11,12”

~ Stairs on the meaning of life
Stairs : Better than Mel C

Stairs are the most successful welsh pop group ever in the history of earth, making them the 67th most successful music artists worldwide, ranking above Elvis Presley and Dame Judi Dench and just underneath Hear’ Say. Despite several number 1 chart toppers including 9, 10, 11, 12 and Deeper shade of mauve the group are known mostly for their extreme off-stage behaviour involving Drag queens and Andy Warhol.

Their catchy pop tunes and dance routines have spawned many copy-cat artists such as 'Steps' and 'Hilary Duff' however their music has been of poorer quality and texture.

Humble Beginnings[edit]

Stairs were formed one fine eve in the year 1998 when a woman gay from Caernarfon known only as Kimberly Moreland was found squatting in the cupboard of local teens and art students Gruffydd Ywain and Manon Owen. She was promptly kicked out. Kim returned however and kept doing so every time she was thrown out, like a rash that won’t disappear no matter how much cream is applied.

Gruff and Manon meanwhile were devising dance moves as part of an elaborate art scheme to seduce old women. Kimberly - a girl whose soul was corrupted by Caernarfon and was always on the lookout for a quick buck was quick to spot the financial potential in the dance and thus ‘Stairs’ were formed as an experimental dance group.

Thanks to erotic photographs taken by their official photographer and only groupie Catrin, the band were able to secure a recording contract, the only down-side being that they had no songs. This was quickly remedied by re-recording Steps songs and replacing a few words here and there.

The legend was born

Gays[edit]

Stairs - having a yellow day

Stairs quickly discovered that their music was popular in the gay community as gays like music that have interesting dance moves and they love matching outfits. With Kim being a woman gay the situation was perfect for Stairs to conquer the world starting with the gays.

It was in one of these first gigs in the gay bars of north Wales that the group discovered their fourth member Anwen Cha III, a Drag Queen whose beauty far outstripped any other. Being a Drag Queen Anwen Cha III was interested in dogging and rimming, qualities which only helped elevate Stair’s popularity with the gays.

With the marketing skills of their manager Duke Claudette Cha the group had their first U.K no. 1 with ‘’’Better Best Remembered’’’. Suddenly Stairs were everywhere.

Behind the Scenes[edit]

It is dangerous to play on the stairs..

Behind the scenes of Stairs’ success however there was turmoil. Kimberly Moreland, the most evil of all Stairs had the misfortune of falling in love with fellow band member Anwen Cha III. The tragedy lay in the fact that Kim was a woman gay while Anwen Cha III was a Drag Queen of the penis wielding variety. Thus despite Kim’s emotional love growing deeper every day neither was interest in the other sexually. A most Shakespearean of dilemmas indeed.

To make things worse Manon had developed a rare case of multiple personality disorder meaning that her body was now populated by five separate personalities, including Nora, and elderly lady who communicated only in grunts, and Seishal a slag of the trampy variety who had an unfortunate hobby of displaying her boobs at every possible opportunity.

Gruff on the other hand was distracted from the group due to his intense love relationship with dame Judi Dench. The group was falling to pieces and not even a further 11.5 number ones was enough to stop Anwen Cha III from attempting to pursuer a solo career.

Her single ‘’The vagina on the back of my neck is hungry’’ peaked at number 58 and the group came back together once they realised that they were making less money than when they were working. Their popularity has continued to grow.

Stairs - practicing their intense look

Individual members[edit]

Kimberly Moreland

Kimberly Moreland originates from Caernarfon and as a result communicates with such words as 'taw' and 'ouf'. Being the most spiteful member of Stairs she used to spend her time poking old women and sitting on the faces of armadillos. Kim first realsied she was a woman gay upon discovering a strong attraction towards Julie Andrews as she came over the hill in the sound of music. Despite this she does give the occasional chwythwaith just to pass the time. She likes Peanut Butter but not too much at once.

Gruffydd Ywain

Gruffydd Ywain comes from the far-away land of Dolgellau, his hobbie shave never included golf, knitting or tangerines. Being the only male member of Stairs he has hairy nipples, though through constant shaving they remain soft and tangible. Gruff once had no hair, but he does now. Gruff is of the opinion that the whole world revolvs around him and to be fair, to some extent it does.

Manon Owen

Manon emerged form the mysterious land known only as pwllheli (or close enough anyway). She suffers from a mysterious multiple personality disorder that has spawned five separate personalities in her soul. These are Nora - an elderly mad woman without the capacity for speech who communicates through arm gestures and the occasional 'Baaah!'. Barry - a grand old bloke who has a fear of the rain. Aunty Leusa - Nora's sister who has an unfortunate arm twitch. Seishal - a whore who enjoys showing her nipples to all and sundry and Daisy who has a deep routed hatered for Kim. This hatred is understandable. .

Anwen Cha III

The most beautiful member of Stairs who happens to be of the Drag Queen species. Anwen Cha III enjoys such activities as looking beautiful and being fabulous. Everyone loves Anwen Cha III! Everyone!!!

Or did you mean...[edit]

Ryan and his almighty wiggage attempting the impossible; to walk down stairs.
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