Stairsliding

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“People all over the world have fell down the stairs after my friend popularized this sport”

~ Clinton Moore on Clarenceville Football Club

Stairsliding is a sport where a really stupid person or one who is high on alcohol slides down a staircase. This sport has been popularized by Ian Ashley of Livonia, Michigan circa 2004.

When people were grossed out by Ian Ashley's crapping incident, they thought the sport would impress their friends, the a bunch of people at local bars got drunk and rode down staircases of local taverns in the Metro Detroit area. Then, in 2007 people all over Michigan started to get the feel of a pantscrapping sport.

When the 76-year-old robot Kittyslasher tested the sport to see if robots would withstand it, he ended up with broken parts and had to be repaired. The test results from Kittyslasher confirmed that future robots will be built more robustly as Kittyslasher was only a prototype by lab technicians of Einstein's gang, who has however lasted several decades and has interacted with humans very fulently. One of the best coaches of stairsliding of all-time was Napoleon Dynaparte.

Rules and guidelines of stairsliding[edit]

When the person slides down the stairs, they are recommended to be as sharp as a pin. The point is to not crap yourself, however Ian Ashley crapped himself when he invented the sport.

This sport can be played solo or with a team. This sports was invented as massage theropy for tiresome bystandards of the Metro Detroit area. Somersulting without breaking a bone will add points by 10,000% although Ian Ashley himself broke his legbone in the process. People who crap themselves while playing the sport get points by 100,000%.

The ski resort of Petoskey, Michigan is scheduled to have the ski slopes replaced with a staircase by 2015, but only in part, however the Pontiac Silverdome is being torn down and will be replaced with the Pontiac Sliderdome since stairsliding has rendered the Silverdome obsolete. Some scientists like Thomas Edison VI is developing shock absorbment apparel for the sport to reduce the suseptability of pantscrapping, not to mention to make it feel less painful. Ironically, people do get more points if they don't wear the protective gear, not to mention they have to do stupendously impressing stunts to get points (e.g. 5 foot jump).

Variations of stairsliding[edit]

Stupid people are bound to perfect the sport.

Stairbowling[edit]

Instead of using bowling balls, you just toss yourself down the alley to hit the pins.

Stairracing[edit]

In this game, everybody falls down the stairs at once. However anybody that craps themself is a loser.

Top 10 recordbreakers for Stairsliding[edit]

Time records[edit]

A * will denote somebody who crapped themself while breaking the record. This only applies for staircases with a length of 100 meters.

  1. Ian Ashley - 30 seconds*
  2. Tony Ianerelli - 45 seconds
  3. Lindsay Lowery - 46 seconds
  4. Brooke Kaufmann - 55 seconds
  5. George W. Bush - 1 minute*
  6. Amanda Mesler - 1 minute 1 second*
  7. Nisa Nelson - 1 minute 5 seconds*
  8. Wheely Willy - 1 minute 10 seconds
  9. Jimbo Wales - 1 minute 15 seconds
  10. John Elway - 1 minute 30 seconds*

Point records[edit]

  1. George W. Bush - 1,000,000 points
  2. Wheely Willy - 700,000 points
  3. Sandra Smith - 500,000 points*
  4. Amanda Mesler - 250,000 points*
  5. Nisa Nelson - 100,000 points*
  6. John Elway - 90,000 points
  7. Clinton Moore - 75,000 points
  8. Jessica Davis - 70,000 points*
  9. Michael Jordan - 65,000 points
  10. Jason Govan - 50,000 points*

Stairsliding in pop culture[edit]

See also[edit]