Stalingrad

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


Bouncywikilogo3.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Stalingrad.

Stalingrad, now known as Volgograd or Volograd for those who cant spell, is one of the major cities of the Minor State of Russia where dirty palestinians reside.

History[edit]

Stalingrad (other wise known as the place Stalin graduated from being a monkey) is a religous holy site dedicated to those who worship the holy can of Pepsi. Stalin was the orgignal Pepsian who founded the holy city by drinking 45700 cans of pepsi and building the city on his sugar high. During the third holy pilgrimage to the holy city, Stalingrad was attacked by the demons known as the Jews who stole every single last bit of currency that was contained in the city. The head jew, Jewbacca led this seemingly unstoppable army, but was soon thwarted by Stalin's power of communism which defied all the Jews capitalist ways. After the war the city was in ruins and so Stalin had to enlist the aid of Microsoft, many industries were set up including shipbuilding, oil refining and creating torture devices such as karaoke machines. Soon Stalin became corrupted by the evil corporation and help set up the evil train system of death, the European route E40 which ran through the city. It was used to run Stalin's death train which contained all manner of creatures including Harry Potter, Sonic the Hedgehog and chavs. After people became fed up with Stalin's evil rule of tyrranny, a weedy scientist named Volgin, with the help of the uber hardcore and uber butch Solid Snake infiltrated Stalin's death train where harry potter, sonic the hedgehog and the chavs were defeated. During the final battle, Stalin activated his ultimate weapon. The mobile suit known as the Gundam Wing Zero. Snake was thrown of the train leaving Volgin to use an enourmous rocket launcher that he could barely lift to destroy the weapon and thus defeated Stalin.

The city then became renamed as Volograd after their leader where communism became a thing of the past and everyone converted from the religion of Pepsi to Final Fantasy. Later several Universities were set up in Volgograd including the medical institute where the OOmpa Loompah. Now modern day Volograd is filled with the weapons known as Metal Gear and is a dictatorship run by Knuckles the Echidna and has many dealings with Black Santa. People soon began to feast off the flesh of others when the evil Umbrella coorporation began to cure the disease of being a dirty slav. Soon there were armies upon armies of shit eating slavs that began to infest the rest of europe in order to get the polish scum out of Europe so they can steal jobs in Britian. Archlord Gordon Brown did not appreciate and sent his politicians to throw cups of ealr grey at Knuckles the echidna. Obesity soon becam a problem in Volgograd as people were scared to leave their homes and thus sat in front of the computer playing hours upon hours of world of warcraft.

Economy[edit]

Modern Volgograd is still an important industrial city. Its industries include dildo making, prostitute refining, steel and aluminium production, manufacture of machinery and vehicles (such as Metal Gears), and chemical production (viagra). A large hydroelectric power plant stands a short distance to the north of Volgograd to power the leaders reinforced castle of doom.

Education[edit]

Educational institutions include Volgograd State University, Volgograd State Technical University (former Volgograd Polytechnical University), Volgograd State Medical University, Volgograd Academy of State Service, Volgograd Academy of Industry, and Volgograd State Pedagogical University. All of these require the GCE equivalent of Us to participate any of there courses as they are all full of shit.

Sister cities[edit]

As of 2006, Volgograd had 17 sister cities: