Star-bellied penguins

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There is always one cocky penguin in each pack of star-bellies that poses for each group photo.

Star-bellied History[edit]

The star-bellied penguins of Western Antarctica were originally discovered on an uncharted island near continent by fiddle player turned taxidermist Syd Barrett.

An example of a star-bellied penguin who converted to Judaism. The plastic surgery for the star change wasn't cheap, but fortunately the penguin was an excellent haggler.

The differences between the traditional penguin and the star-bellied penguin are that the star-bellied penguin has a blue star in the middle of its belly, they are lazier than the traditional penguin, and are not as ill-tempered as regular penguins are. The Star-bellied penguins have been found in many shapes and sizes (although most are about three feet tall, and average penguin shape). Although it is a popular theory that the penguins worship Syd Barrett as their God, most of the penguins have chosen to be converted to different religions including Judaism, Taoism, and Islam. It should be noted that there are very few Christian penguins because they believe that Santa Claus is responsible for them being stuffed into Christmas stockings.

Penguin Popularity[edit]

After being discovered by Barrett, the penguins were exported to zoos, pet shops and McDonald’s restaurants around the world. Their precious fins were featured for months on McDonald’s dollar menu, and McDonald’s McFin Sandwich generated a large following.

Once Barrett became a successful taxidermist, he specialized in the stuffing of the very species that he discovered. The popularity of the stuffed corpses of the star-bellied penguins spread like wildfire. Stuffed baby penguins became especially popular because they made excellent stocking stuffers during the Christmas season.

Animal right’s activists and hippies like strived to make the slaughter of these special penguins prohibited, but nobody ever seemed to care about what they thought. After Barrett’s timely death in 1984, it seemed like the hippies had a major victory, but they were wrong when the penguins became even more popular because people hated the idea of hippies accomplishing anything.

Because of the hippies who consistently fought for lost causes that no one cared about, the star-bellied penguins became extinct in 1987.


In 2003, after being made legend by Michael Ian Black’s witty commentary on VH1’s I Love the Eighties, the Star-Bellied penguins were cloned on a farm in Nebraska, where they are now harvested and slaughtered to make their delicious McFin sandwiches at McDonald’s and their cute stuffed corpses.