Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

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“Your feeble skillz are no match for the power of mah moneh!”

~ George Lucas anikan fell of his transport and shited in his pants

Sex Whores Episode III: Revenge of the Syphallis.
Taglines:	This Summer, the Shitty Prequels Finaly End! I Came, I Saw, I Went to the Dark Side.
Writers	George Lucas Khan
Starring	Gayden Christensen - That Skywalker Guy Pope Benedict XVI - Emperor Palpatine Natalie Portman - Paris Hilton" Sean Connery - Obi Wan Kenobi You - Natalie Portman's Stalker Bruce Campbell - Stormtrooper # 6 Samuel L. Jackson - A mutha'fuckin' SNAKE!
Producer	Xerxes
Director	Ed Wood
Runtime	100 min. (seems like 3.5 billion years)
Language	English, Wookie
Distributed by	The North Korean Department of Propaganda
IMDb rating	http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/e/ed/Youtubestar.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.pnghttp://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/6/69/Youtubestar1.png

Star Wars Episode III starts up where Star Wars Episode Pi left off. Young Jedi Anakin Skywalker (Gayden Christensen) and his mentor Obi Wan Kenobi (Sean Connery) continue to battle bad guys with British accents. They also beat up on droids that have British accents. To make a long story short, everyone from England who can hold a laser gun gets their arses (They're bloody British!) kicked.

Meanwhile, on planet Spaceball, Chancellor Palpatine (Seth Armstrong, that sideburned bastard from emmerdale) plots to become ruler of all the universe for life which requires the help of Anakin for some reason. So, Palpatine sent Anakin an e-vite to his wicked badass party at the senate. Anakin showed up with a blow up doll and a plastic dildo, but soon Palpatine's true goal became apparent!

[edit] Plot

Annakin and Obi-Wan decide to cause more trouble by trying to save an ancient emperor who's gonna die anyway. They defeat everyone on the ship and fuck Count Dooku's day up. Then the emperor makes it pretty apparent he is evil, which Annakin thinks is a major turn on. Annakin resolves to marry the Sith Lord, but he can't seem to kill his pregnant wife because he lives in the state of Utah. The emperor says that if he joins the Dark Side and moves to Los Angeles they can just nuke Utah because no one really likes it. Annakin decides it's not nice to nuke a state though and tattles on the emperor to that black guy with the purple lightsaber. Meanwhile, some robot thing that coughs tries to fight Obi-Wan Kenobi, had he watched Episode IV he would have known Obi-Wan had to survive for continuation purposes, but the robot guy is too naive and dies in three and a half seconds. Meanwhile, the emperor kills all the minor jedis, but then is somehow beaten despite his undeniably incredible powers. The black guy decides to spare him for five and a half minutes which gives Annakin enough time to pull a Brett Favre and decide racial prejudice should continue and kill the black man. Then Annakin gets so angry that he decides to brutally rape and murder every child Jedi there is. Long story short two battles occurr. Annakin v.s. Obi-Wan and Yoda v.s. Emperor Guy. Yoda gets hit a couple times and then hides and runs. Obi-Wan cuts off all of Annakin's limbs and sells them on ebay. Everybody else dies. At the end Annakin is in distress because he couldn't kill his wife before she gave birth and he is now in a big metal suit so making love to the Emperor will be difficult.

[edit] The Cast

The Pope celebrates being cast as Emperor Palpatine

For what was likely to be his final Star Wars movie, George Lucas was careful to select the best cast possible. Lucas first decided to cast Emperor Palpatine, instead of renewing the contract of Mr. T, who had played the Emperor in the original trilogy, Lucas called upon Pope Benedict XVI. This was considered typecasting as the pope was already evil and could shoot lightining out of his hands through his Jesus powers.

In another bit of typecasting, Sean Connery was cast as Scottish Jedi Obi Wan Kenobi. Lucas cited Connery's warlike tendencies and ability to beat people with lightsabers as a huge plus for the film.

“You were the choshen one! you were shposhed to vanquishsh the Shith, not join them...sho fuck you ya fairy!”

~ Sean Connery on Anakin's betrayel

To attract a wider audiance and gain some sex appeal for the film, Lucas made a last moment casting choice of Natalie Portman as a Queen who hates bras and Bruce Campbell as a stormtrooper who hates pants. These moves made the film an international sucess. The only casting promblem was whats-his-face who plays Anakin. He was such a bad actor that director Ed Wood soon replaced him with a cardboard cut out of Mr. Rogers.

[edit] Behind the Scenes Tidbits

• For the DVD release, Lucas added a scene in which Chuck Norris, in a special cameo, coldcocks Jar Jar Binks to death.
• The film went overbudget when Lucas had to buy the entire country of Albania to film scenes involving war, chaos, and insanity.
• Impressed with the Empire's power, U.S. president George W. Bush launched his top foreign diplomats into space to seek an alliance. They never returned.

[edit] History

Apparently, Lucas had some other plans for the plot. This info was found by the brave trashmen who found a crumpled paper with the abbandoned ideas in Lucas's trashcan:

• first an most impotently: lotss MoRE of the JaR JaR BiNx. He the besst and my faverit and torks jus like mee and sezxy tooo, so he gonna get off wiv the yoder and giv birf to lotss of the jar-jar binx for sta'r wahs sekwell that i will call... biNxyland.

• litesabers: i am BoReD of the litesabers and so are alll all my maNy fAns. so insted, i want a neew wepon: the LaZeR TroWel. Which is like a LiTeSaBeR onlyy a TroWeL. With lasers. And an interesting SCooPinG MoTiON that GeTs YoU.

• there willl be a BiG FiTE betweeeen the GiAnt eWok and the chewBacKer. i fink the chewbacker willl win this BiG FiTE by flyinG into de air uSing his haiRy rockets and then stamping on the giant ewok's hed til it is DEaDerLiSeD.

• i fink it is alsoo time to introdudce a new luvly freNd for the c3-po and the r2d2 - a neew roBot dat cAn wAlk on its eYelashes anD talK uSing its elecTrik buMmyhole. i will call him aR-5e, jus like the nummer plate on my pRivat lornmower on my big rAnch whiCh is MiNE and belongs to ME and ME ONLY.

• revelashun no. 1: anaking is daRf vaDer

• revelashun no. 2: jabba the huttt is hAn solos siSter

• revelashun no. 3: bobBa Fettt is... er... hAn solos siSter too!!!. NerDy LosErs Won't see ThAT ONe coMing!!!!

• the princeSs of the aMidali will marry the darf vader in a luSh 6 hour weddin serrymonny an then DiE on honeymooon wheN some SpAcE FrOGs get her in the FAcE.

• finally - I have decided to sell tickits for one millyon dollers each and make it first movie ever with CG ORDIENCE!

OBeY mY CommMands or feel mY HaiRy WrAth., George Murgatroyd Lucas I-IV (siR)

[edit] Reception

Down the hallway to your left.

In this movie, Anakin gains 500 Ibs. and becomes Darth Vader!

In what would become a series staple, Episode III marks the 1st appearance of the Ottoman Turk Deathstar.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

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