USS Enterprise
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A Federation Vesselstarship, made famous by the reality TV show Star Trek. The Russian version is the Ю. Often referred to as "The Ship that launched a Thousand Pimply Faces."
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[edit] Origins
Originally an ocean going clipper ship in the Royal Navy, the H.M.S. Enterprize (it's not even fucking spelled the same) was built at the famous Leicester ship yards during the letter S rationing era, for the British Queen Staci IIb. The role of the Enterprize was to transport Hazardous Material Supplies such as spam, salad cream, Woodbines, warm beer and delicious sand worms to Britain for use in the Ploughman's lunch industry, from the Heathen countries that regarded such materials as waste.
She served the Navy well for 250 years, before that fateful night under the command of Captain Ronald Reagan, known in those times as Wolfboy, she took a wrong turn and instead of sailing for Nottingham she ended up in orbit above the Earth.
Moderately concerned with the lives of the crew, and desperate for the supplies of invertebrates, the British government turned to the European Space Agency (ESA) for help. This was a controversial choice, as the ESA was best known at the time for blowing up small South American islands, pyramid schemes and clog dancing.
The mission to rescue the Enterprize was considered a partial success. Although 95% of the ship and crew were sent through a wormhole, the ESA managed to blast a small beagle puppy at Mars, averting a suspected Martian invasion, and preventing Tom Cruise from doing his "Lord of the dance" epic moment.
[edit] The Enterprise
After this mission, Europe decided to get back to having a war, and the Enterprize was sold to a hire-car firm in America. It was rechristened with the Enterprise 1-800-rent-a-capsule logo and colours and pressed into service as part of the rental fleet at a local airport.
After the decline in air travel caused by the September 11 attacks, it was sold to the American government and re-named as the U.S.S. Enterprise. U.S.S. stands for U Suck Starship, as the popular music group Jefferson Starship refused to sell the name Starship. Unknown to them, the s in Enterprise denoted "spaceship".
The American government gave control of the Enterprise to NASA as a bribe to stop NASA from saying anything about the Alien lizards who had taken control of the World Bank, the Freemasons, the Illuminati and Arby's. NASA chose to rebuild the ship, almost from scratch, following a design they found in the Bible when they took drugs and read the story of Noah's Ark.
The newly redesigned Starship Enterprise was then bought by the William Shatner, which he used to fly around Uranus to look for Klingons and their imperialistic leader Rhemy . After that, he roamed the Universe looking for sight-impaired blue women he could molest. The Enterprise is powered by a combination of dilithium crystals and ghosts. Should the warp core containment field ever be breached, the spirits would exact a terrible revenge on their captors.
The ship was later given to Patrick Stewart and that bearded dude
[edit] Brief History of Each Enterprise
- NX-01: Got into a bunch of fights with Klingons and a race that starts with a X. (Xindi wtf?)
- NCC-1701: Fought Klingons, Romulans, giant blobs, and god knows what else. Made it to season 3, got cancelled, returned for a bunch of animated shows, got cancelled, returned for a bunch of movies, and finally got destroyed by Klingons over the Genesis planet Whan Kirk set the Auto-destruct. (note: It was the only time that Captain Kirk could beat Doctor Emmitt Brown).
- NCC-1701-A: Fought Klingons and Vulcans. The doors didn't work For half the second movie.
- NCC-1701-B: Appeared for about five minutes before Paramount decided to move on. Was damaged by the Nexis in Star Trek: Generations. It's the last time anyone saw Kirk for 76 Star Trek years. He was believed to be dead.
- NCC-1701-C: She was the first Enterprise to have a female captian. Seen only in one show: Star Trek: the Next Generation; Yesterday's Enterprise. It was seen coming out of a tempral field only to alter the future of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D. It was sent back after losing her captian.
- NCC-1701-D: Explored deep space. First vessel to have a Klingon on board and still the Klingons attack. Confronted Borg, Q, Romulans, Klingons, giant blobs, Vulcans, and god knows what else before it had to be destroyed to avoid meeting yet another species. First Enterprise to survive all seven seasons. Damaged by stupid-ass Klingons, farted a Photon Torpedo and then exploded after that fancy saucer separation stuff. It crashed into that God-awful waste of a rock.
- NCC-1701-E: Fought the Borg, several ugly races, and Picard's evil twin in Star Trek: Nemises.
- NCC-1701-F: Designed but never was used in any Star Trek show.
- NCC-1701-G,H and I: Never even existed. These losers probably had morons like Commodore Stocker in command.
- NCC-1701-J: seen in one episode, where it fought an off-screen enemy and was never seen again. People didn't even have time to see the outer hull.
- NCC-1701-K: Forced into existence by a lack of interest in a parallel universe. Forced back into non-existence by interest in this universe.
