Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
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History of the character
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was created by a white supremacist in 1821 who wanted to create the whitest person possible. Decades of science led to whiter and whiter pigments until his creation in 1898. He was originally known as Nigendum, derived from the slogan of the Latin branch of the Ku Klux Klan. On this day, his catchphrase "Michelin tires - they're for white folks only!" debuted, and to this day it is still his catchphrase, although it has nearly no popularity today.
In 1912 his name was changed to Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man, as marshmallows were so popular in that year that everything changed its name to something marshmallow-related. In 1917, when Albert Einstein first stated the Theery off Incawrecked Spelin, "theens whut arr speld rong r kewl tu tha MACKS!", to the public, "Puffed" was changed to "Puft." Nobody knows why all the other words are still spelled correctly.
The Incident Which Nobody Is Legally Allowed To Speak Of
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In 1984, Stay Puft revealed that he wasn't just a mascot but actually a god. He revealed that his real name was Gozer. He ripped off Rosie O'Donnell's face and implanted it as his own, then he attacked Manhattan while reciting ancient Sumerian spells. He continued until a bargain was cut where United States Pharaoh Arnold Schwarzenegger promised to make Gozerism the national religion of the United States if he stopped killing Americans. He foolishly agreed, after which he was given a lobotomy and now he thinks we're all worshipping him when in fact we aren't. So if you see him, SHHHHH! Don't tell him that he isn't worshipped! If you do, you are subject to a maximum fine of 100 dollars.
Presently, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man lives in Nigeria, where Michelin tires sell more than any other nation. You'd think that his hatred of black people and his mass murders of citizens would cause a drop in sales, wouldn't you?
- The Ghostbusters
- Jack Nicholson
- Marvin Gaye
- Dennis Miller and his awesome pop culture reference reciting ability
- Extreme Turner
- Dark Truder
- The Pope
- Your Mum
- Anthony Hopkins (only on tuesdays)
- Christopher Walken(because he simply fucking feels like it)
- Bob The Builder
- Amy Winehouse
- And of course a toaster
- Steve Irwin (King of Australian Idiots, mate)