Strait of Gibraltar
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Pun mixing the place with the sexual preference. "The Straight of Gibraltar is the only heterosexual individual in the UK territory of of Gibraltar."'
The Straight of Gibraltar was adopted by two men of Gibraltar and raised to be a proper Gibraltarian. His two fathers, Hank and Stan, named their son Gaylord. He was taught the fine art of homosexuality, interior decorating, yoga, and has seen Brokeback Mountain 213 times, as all young Gibraltarian lads have. He attended public school and received mediocre marks throughout his learning years. He was always popular in the after school playground and rarely got into any fustics. At a very young age, the Straight of Gibraltar developed a taste for Tex-Mex cuisine and eats an item from that cuisine daily. After school he took up a career in waste management and spent most of his money buying more waste management equipment.
In Gibraltar, the Straight of Gibraltar is most commonly known for his ability to be attracted to women. Sadly enough, all of the women of Gibraltar are homosexual. The Strait of Gibraltar is very lonely and there are lots of people like myself (Paul Sergio Payas Carlin) who are gay
Says Gaylord of his common experiences in Gibraltar, "I just don't know what to do. I go to the store, and there's no meat. I get so frustrated I just wanna scream, GIVE ME MEAT! But if I do that, either a guy will drop his pants and whip out a tube of KY, or a woman will shove a block of tofu in my face!" Gaylord's life is filled with many challenges. Many straight men take it for granted that they can go to a bar just to hang out and get drunk, sitting comfortably on a stool. Gaylord drinks only at home.....alone. Gaylord explains, "I used to try to go to the bars. I mean, my dads are gay, it's not like I'm afraid or anything. But, being a straight guy, I just couldn't dance well enough to keep up with the gay men. First they laughed, then the next thing I knew, I woke up on my front lawn, tightly bound with glittery handkerchiefs, and wearing a sandwich board sign reading, 'Fundies! Come take your sports watcher/no hairspray person back!' Needless to say, I had to stop drinking in public. Nowadays, I can't hear a man lisp in a high pitched voice without wincing. They say I've got PTSD. Post Truncated Syndrome Disorder." When asked why he didn't just move, Gaylord replied, "....I never thought of that."
Gaylord has written many books on the subject, including: What's A Strait Guy Like You Doing In A Leather Bar Like This?, Raft Building Made Easy, and........did we say, "many books"? We meant, "two".
Gaylord is planning to make a guide for strait tourists to Gibraltar that gives such tips as, "you can find a good pair of plan black men's dress shoes if you avoid the men's shops altogether and go to the lesbian clothing stores. Just ask anyone there with a vest and a mullet to help you. And the store employees are quite helpful as well." A tip for how to filter out the fruity additive and correspondent umbrella from your alcoholic beverage. The guide will also include a list of restaurants one can visit with the fewest makeover tips handed out both by staff and other patrons to both strait men and women. And for the outright phobic, Gaylord has included a free pack of Valium with every book, AND the meditation CD of that healing mantra, "It doesn't rub off, it doesn't rub off, it doesn't rub off" Gaylord has also announced that he wishes to continue seeking relationships through the local personal ads in a major Gibraltar newspaper, although to date, his attempts have been disappointing. It seems that all of Gaylords ads have been answered by gay men. When asked why he didn't just put ads in newspapers outside of Gibraltar, or on the straights only, or, "One hammer for each nail" website, E-Harlotry, Gaylord replied, "........I never thought of that."
Gaylord suffers from Chronic Blueballus, and is currently undergoing intensive treatment for his disabling Fashion Deficit Disorder, or F.D.D. His doctors are urging him to seek LGBTQ disability, which provides not money, but rather a monthly dole of clothing store gift cards, techno CDs,and of course, tofu.
In summation, it should be pretty obvious to all that Gaylord is a phucking idiot. If you are a straight, female phucking idiot, or know someone who is, please contact Gaylord's dumb ass for a possible hookup via e-mail at, www.mydongsbeenwronged.org He really needs it. Like, he REALLY needs it.