Street lights

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CAUTION: THE POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM FOR STREET LIGHTS IS LAMPPOST.

“I once bumped into a street light, it was very tall and bright!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Street Lights

“Their manifeto is what makes us suck! ”

~ Catch 22 on Street Lights

Originally invented by Pharaoh Wankenhamen II to allow his Israelite slaves to work long hours into the night, street lights today have taken on other functions and only coincidentally provide after-dark visibility.

Master Race[edit]

"Street light master race", more commonly and properly reffered to as "Lamppost master race" is a people who beleive in the superiority of lampposts. This race was originally created by Gandhi in attempts lf controlling the weeaboos. As the lamppost master race was made to defeat the weeaboos, there is a very well known story a-boot how this would come to into place : "In 1902, Adolf Hitler said something that would go on to be the most famous anime quote in the history of history "I could have stopped it" of course, he was speaking of world war 2. The exact meaning of his quote is still not certain, though manga historians think he may have been talking a-boot the kawaii leader of Samolia, Gandhi. Gandhi went on to nuke the Germanian people and cause an uproar of queefing throughout the UK. This sad event caused millions of weeaboos to lose there lifes and was considered the best point in history, but what could Hitler have been talking a-boot preventing? The awnser is simple, after all the weeaboos died, Genghis Khan decided to create communism, some random bullshit "Governement" that managed to kill millions upon millions of innocent people. It is speculated that Hitler had a plan of a superior race, know as the Canadian-German-Japanese Master Race, they were to ally with the other Master Race known as the LampPost Master Race who beleived in the superiority of Lamp Posts. The combining of these two races would have created a superpower unlike the world has ever seen and would have managed to defeat the weeaboos with higher efficiency and without the uproar of communism." This story is considered to be the basis of the Lamppost master race.

Power[edit]

In the village of London, where a small single bedroom flat can cost four hundred times the lifetime wage of most workers, accountants, stockbrokers, merchant bankers and members of parliament will often be found with a length of electrical flex running from their luxury cardboard boxes to nearby streetlights, thus drawing power to run their laptop computers, plasma televisions and Breville toasted sandwich makers.

Road Traffic Accidents[edit]

In the United States it is a proven phenomenon that all automotive accidents where no other party is involved are based around a car crashing into a fire hydrant, resulting in a jet of water 20 feet high.

In the United Kingdom and other countries where fire hydrants are buried in the surface of the road, it is obviously impossible for an accident to involve a fire hydrant (unless the car in question was really tiny or something) and street lights have to suffice. Such an accident should ideally involve a suitable amount of steam escaping from the front of the stricken vehicle and the street light taking on a sufficiently impressive lean to one side. The Police accident investigators will usually award bonus style points if the street light illuminates briefly, with a crackling noise following the accident.

Decoration[edit]

Seen from space, North and Central America glister like beautiful cubic zirconiums.

Before the advent of artificial lighting, Earth at night was a dull and unattractive sight for interstellar passers-by. Only since the cheerful gleam of streetlights started flooding the world's surface has the galactic tourism industry taken notice of our planet, making it one of the Milky Way's number one spots for cattle mutilation, crop circles, and abduction of humanoids.

Lighting[edit]

It has been proven to be a myth that street lights are there to light the streets, seeing as the sodding things never work, not around here anyway. I pay my taxes, and I still have to walk the streets in the dark. Bastards.

See also[edit]