Stuart Maconie

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“He had the texture and taste of a Yorkshire popover”

~ Any person who has kissed Stuart Maconie on Stuart Maconie

“What's that all about, eh?”

~ Stuart Maconie on all

Remembering the past's Stuart Maconie is one the most prominent British Nostalgists of modern times. His unsurpassed knowledge of all things past, present and future has earned him the nicknames "The Man With The Never-Ending Memory", and "King Long Cock" (self chosen).

[edit] Biography

No one really remembers when Stuart Maconie was born except for Stuart Maconie himself. He is notoriously defensive when quizzed about his age and once set fire to Jamie Theakston's face after the TV presenter quipped that he was "probably older than David Quantick" (David Quantick being Stuart Maconie's fiercest rival in the nostalgia business). This has caused many TV executives/producers/grips to fear Stuart Maconie and in some cases, Stuart Maconie to fear Stuart Maconie (an amusing tale of a white label Buzzcocks LP, an old girlfriend and an imaginative imagination recently circumnavigated the internet).

[edit] Work

Despite his Oracle-like bottomless well of knowledge of all things nostalgic and neo-nostalgic (future nostalgia), Stuart Maconie has not made good use of his talents and is frequently seen pissing them up against a wall on TV shows such as I Love 1942 and The 100 Greatest Lists of All-Time. On these he delights us with his suspiciously-accurate knowledge of all things, be they past or future. In a recent interview he gave away details of forthcoming shows he has planned, these include:

• I Remember... a quiz show in which celebrity contestants try and remember given years
• We Remember... a group based variant on the above
• Never Forget a documentary about the holocaust.

He also admitted that he has no recollection of the year 1927 for reasons he cannot remember.

[edit] What Stuart Maconie Remembers

• Where you last had your car keys
• What you were doing yesterday when you said you were "reading"
• Most things before they actually happen
• Being born (this was number one in the recent show The 100 Greatest Things Stuart Maconie Can Remember)
• The fifth of November
• The fifth of Beethoven
• The first time and a worse time
• Where he was when Julius Caesar was shot