Suetonius
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Suetonius was Ancient Rome's greatest sportswriter. Perhaps his most famous work is I_Clavdivs, which he wrote while high and watching his son (who was also, biologically, his brother however he did not know this) play a Commodore 64 shoot 'em up. This has spawned a book which was later made into a successful TV series, which has become famous in that it keeps true to all source material, even when said source material diverges.
Unfortunately, all of Suetonius' works were written in The Queen's English, which is a dead language, which has lead to some improvisation with the translation.
The man thought that particularly vicious tongue wrestling was sport for Christ's sake, but he could use it like you wouldnt believe... - Oscar Wilde
