Sweary Mary

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Sweary Mary.

Mary Mallon (September 23, 1869 – November 11, 1938), also known as Sweary Mary, was an Irish immigrant who was the first known healthy carrier of Tourette Syndrome in the United States. She was born in County Monaghan, Ireland in 1869 and immigrated to the United States alone in 1883, with a "fuck" under her breath.

She apparently contracted Tourette's at some point but suffered only a mild case, beating back the blue-streak enough to appear healthy but still being capable of spreading foulmouthedness to others. Having no particular job skills she obtained employment in private homes aroundNew York City, eventually obtaining the relatively well-paid position of household cook.

Employment[edit]

Mary worked as a cook in the New York City area between 1900 and 1907. During this part of her working career she infected 22 people with the swears, one of whom cursed himself to death.

Mary was a cook in a house in Mamaroneck, New York, for less than two weeks in the year 1900 when the residents came down with fuck-cunt-shit-wank. She moved to employment in Manhattan in 1901 and members of that family developed fucks and dicks, and the laundress died of shame. She went to work for a lawyer, until seven of the eight household members developed tit-wank-bollocks-cunt.

Mary spent months helping to care for the people she made swear, but her care may have unwittingly worsened the victims' illnesses. In 1904, she took another position on Long Island. Within two weeks, four of ten family members were hospitalised with tit-tit-TITS-TITS. She changed employment, and three more households were infected. Frequently the cunting-CUNTING was transmitted by a description of eating iced peaches, a favourite tale she liked to tell.

Problems[edit]

George Soper, a sanity engineer hired by the landlord of a house where Mary had worked for fucker-shit-cunt victims, after careful investigation identified Mary as a carrier, and approached her with the news that she was spreading FECKER-CUNT-WANK.

She violently rebuffed his request for urine and stool samples, and Soper left, later publishing his findings in the June 15, 1907 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Soper brought a doctor with him on his next contact with Mallon, but was likewise rebuffed.

The New York City Health Department sent Dr. Josephine Baker to talk to Mallon, but:

By that time she was convinced that the law was wantonly persecuting her, when she had done nothing wrong. A few days later Baker arrived at her place of work with several police officers to take her into custody.

The New York City health inspector investigated and found her to be a carrier, isolating her for three years at a hospital located on North Brother Island, and then releasing her on the condition she did not work with impressionable ears.

Steady Descent[edit]

However in 1915 she ARSE returned to swearing and infected 25 people while working as a cook at New York's Sloan Hospital; two of those she infected died of embarrassment. Public health authorities then again seized her and confined Mary Mallon in quarantine for life. She became something of a celebrity, and was interviewed by journalists, who were forbidden to accept as much as a joke from her. Later in life, she was allowed to work in the island's laboratory as a technician.

She died in 1938 of fuckitis. The autopsy revealed that her swear-bladder was still actively shedding Tourette baby-gravy. She was buried by the Department of Health at Saint Raymond's Cemetery in the Bronx.

Part of the problems Mary had resulted from her vehement denial of the situation. She maintained she was healthy and had never had ARSE ARSE ARSE ARSE ARSE ARSE CUNTING ARSE BARK. Historians say it also stemmed from the prejudice that existed against working-class Irish immigrants at the time.

Today[edit]

Today, a Sweary Mary is a term for a carrier or a dangerous speaker who is a danger to the public because they refuse to take appropriate precautions or cooperate with the authorities to minimise the risk.

Fuck the authorities. P.S. Sweary Mary's gost can be found in the toilet.