“Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?”
“Why? Well he reminded us soo about Oscar... ”
The Swedish Academy is not just an committé d'élection pour le prix Nobel, they are also great conneseurs of pea soup.
|Members of the Swedich Academy|
|Chair No. 1||Per Göransson|
|Chair no. 2||Göran Persson|
|Chair No. 3||Per-Göran Göransson|
|Chair no. 4||Göran Per-Göran Persson|
|Chair No. 5||Per Persson|
|Chair no. 6||Göran Göransson|
|Chair No. 7||Nils Göransson|
|Chair no. 8||Nils-Göran Persson|
|Chair No. 9||Sture Allén|
|Chair no. 10||Göran Per-Göran Per-Nils-Göran Per Persson|
|Chair No. 11||Olle Olsson|
|Chair no. 12||Olle Persson|
|Chair No. 13.37||P3r 90r4|\|330|\||
|Chair no. 14||Göran Persson|
|Chair No. 15||Pier de Gauranne|
|Chair no. 16||Petra Persson|
|Chair No. 17||Per Pettersson|
|Chair no. 18||Petter Ols Pettersson|
|Chair no. 18||Göransson Göran|
The Swedish Academy was founded in 20 mars 1786 by Swedish "Theater King" Gustav III inspired by L'Académie française. The King was indeed under French influence, founding theatres and building antique styled cultural establishements all over Sweden. He wanted Sweden to become a small copy of France, the 18th century's cultural superpower. The task he assigned to the Swedish Academy was to franchise the swedish language. That is - he wanted to speed up the inflow of French loan-words and raise what he considered to be a barbarian language to more classy international standards. After raising his three childs to plumbers (This is wrong he only had 2 sons!!! and I doubt they became plumbers), Gustav III instituted the academy.
The Swedish academy's main project is the maintenance and publishing of SAOL-project - The Swedish Academy's Obliteration List - or as it is also is populary called Swedish - An Offensive Language. The purpose of this project is to collect all originally Swedish words that do not contain any French or Latin loan-words into one list, so that teachers and students will know which words to avoid when franchising their language to a higher, more Mediterranean standard.
Oddly enough the SAOL has become very popular as a guidebook in the low-witted nationalist circles that want to avoid all foreign influence and keep Swedish clean - that is - staying backwards and isolated. The Swedish Academy officially regrets and denies all responsibility for this developement.
Nobel Prize in literature
In the upheaval of World War I Swedish king Gustav IV made himself politically untenable by publicly supporting Germany and the axis power's side. When Parliament seriously began to discuss establishing a Republic, Gustav IV chickened out and tried to save the monarchy's neutrality and popularity. In order to balance loyalities, Gustav IV turned to ancestor Gustav III's passion for France and cleverly asked the Swedish Academy to be the jury of a new Nobel Prize in the category litterature, funded from his own resources. The Academy accepted as well as the Nobel Foundation and the new prize was born.
The Nobel Prize in litterature shall according to the secret funding instructions every year be given to an unknown mediocre writer with great capacity to provoke foreign politicians, except the French. Through this formulation Sweden got an excellent weapon to upfront it's viewpoint on foreign politics without riskting it's own neutral ass. The future of the Monarchy was saved. The Swedish Academy though, still officially denies all accusations of political judgement in nomination of Nobel Prize winners.
Some famous Nobel Prize winners in literature.
- 1913 Rabindranath Tagore (Annoyed the British Empire)
- 1953 Winston Churchill (Humiliated the Germans)
- 1964 Jean-Paul Sartre (Honoured France to his own disgrace)
- 1970 Alexander Solsjenitsyn (Outraged Soviet Union)
- 1997 Dario Fo (Made Italy ashamed of herself)
- 2000 Gao Xingjian (Irritated China to edge of official protest)
- 2001 V S Naipaul (Scorned the Arab world)
- 2004 Elfriede Jelinek (Pissed off all of Europe)
- 2005 Harold Pinter (Publicly insulted George W Bush)
Nobel Prizes are only awarded once a year, but pea soup can be eaten every weak. Yellow pea soup with pork and punch is the national Dish of Sweden and is eaten regularly every thursday in the Royal Court and the Parliment. The Academy is Royal Distributor of pea soup and thereby responsible for production, testing and distribution of pea soup to government and court.
Every Year in december the Swedish Academy publicly announces a Peas Prize winner to the best chef of pea soup. On this occaaion, local radio reporter Gert Fylking usually farts with a relieved cry: AT LAST!, to the delight of every journalist and pea soup producer that has gathered for the occation.
The Academy choses it's own members from a few different disciplines. Writers are needed, linguists are needed., A Frenchman's gotta be there to keep up the standards for pea soup. For a list of present members see above. For a full description of their traits, look elswhere. (I mean - swedish intellectual writer, spent his entire life in a library - what is there to know ? *yawn* )
Since Sweden abolished the death penalty in 1907, the membership of the Swedish Academy has turned into a life sentense. Members of the Academy cannot resign. The duty of attending the weekly pea soup probation dinner takes presedece over such insignificant events as stroke, bone fractures and sullen temper. The latter has showned to be the greatest threat against the Academy's discipline. Regularly one member or another declares him or herself no longer a part of the Academy, due to some internal hitch. But this declaration of ex-membership is not recognized by the members. They go on speaking to the absent ex-members as if they still were there. In fact, in a few cases death has not excused a member from not appearing at the meetings. After a while though, their smell has.
Famous retired members