Swedish Fish

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Seen here is a school of Swedish Fish

Swedish Fish, fish from Sweden, or from within Sweden, "fish", can be found at your local movie theater, Wal Mart, or fish market. Swedish fish were originally devised by Sherry van McHaberstein (an Austrian jew, in exile from the perscution of the National Socialist movement in Germany during the 1870s). She (or he, rumor is it never existed) also invented the digital watch in 1988. Since she was a member of the Judaic Cult, she had a wide variety of ingredients to choose from. After 20 years of deep meditation and pray to the pagan-God "Yahweh", she decided on the following ingredients-

  • Communists (or Bolsheviks), to give the fish their red color.
  • Love and happiness (to subsitute for sodium, which was scarce due to the Napoleonic Wars)
  • Fish, to give them their fish like shape.
  • A thread of Bill Cosby's immaculate hair, because Bill Cosby is delicious.
  • The uterine lining of Mary Magdalene.
  • Scraps of Adolf Hitler's mustache

Note: Originally appeared in vomit and spit flavor, however, for some reason it was not very popular. Now comes in pinapple, lime, fruit punch, and orange.

Marketing[edit]

After creating the divine candy (as it would be called in the year 2035), van McHaberstein sought out to market her product as the "Nector of the Gods, in fish form". Persecution from the Catholic Church bankrupted her company (Swedish Water Dwelling Organisms with Gills Inc.), and she was forced to work at Arby's for the rest of her days. This brought shame to the Swedish Fish (mostly because of that goddamn oven mit), so they were bought by some real company for a low price. To this day, lonely people will snack upon these nautical treats.

Swedish Fish and Addiction[edit]

Swedish Fish have become known to the BONTAM or (Board Of Narcotics Testing And Marketing) as THE single most addicting substance known to man. This was discovered by the late Clayton Garlock, this happened when he was looking at gay pornography in the year of 2005, when he accidenly ate a Swedish Fish instead of the large bag of funyuns which was sitting next to it. Because of it many young people all over the nation have tried the fish......not without consequence. It is common street knowledge the an individual can be addicted or "Hooked" after just one fish. Some symptoms of Fish use can include, but are not limited to: Excessice sweating, Enlarged prostrate in men and women, Haulucinations, Random recitation of the Shrek trilogy, and Trouble urinating whilst suspended in air by a rockclimbing harness. If you or a loved one have become addicted to Fish, call the following number to 1-800-3733-739: and tell them "HolyS*** Swedish Fish are by far the best thing in the world, better than sex with a short english individual". It is apparent this is a really long message, but far worth it for the help you can receive to kick the "Fish Habit". There is hope, but only if you text. Text in the next ten minutes, and we will DOUBLE your addiction removal! Some restrictions reply. not available in all states.

Trivia[edit]

  • Surstr√∂mming is the original Swedish version of the same. No one except some very brave Swedes have eaten any.