Swilluminus caedicus

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Swilluminus Caedicus
Mental Disorder
Swilluminus Caedicus under a superglowy flubberising lamp thing
Bacteria: Asinus Insolens Terminus
Widespread: Very low, Europe
Incubation Period: 18-19 years
AntiMed: N/A, Terminal
MeshName and more stuff that looks interesting: C03.752.250.552, ICD07, ICD09

The Virus[edit]

Swillumunius Caedicus is a Disease carried by a group of Viruses, classed in the Cocktail Bacterias'. The exact host of the DNA appears to be The Asinus Insolens (Terminus), a bacterium often found in European Schools and Asylums. Whether it is infectious has not yet been confirmed, since only a few people have been officially claimed 'ill'. Still, it has been considered a major public-health risk.

The Asinus Insolens bacteria is capable of infiltrating the bloodstream through hostile/other's body fluids, these may conclude Blood, Saliva or Pudding. When infiltrated, the virus is capable of disabling all anti-cells and the autoimmune system, giving it itself all the room it needs.

After about 3 or 4 years the Virus starts implanting its DNA into the hosts' brains and cortex, disabling neuron-highways. Parents often proclaim their children have some form of the Syndrome of Clown. Excessive research will prove the opposite though, for it is not a natural born disease.


Enhanced Alpha Patterns and Long stretched Beta Waves, in combination with spasm and less linguistic capabilities, or better known as the Retardness Asinus are some of the few symptoms the carrier may suffer from.

In this November 2005 edition of CP a large article was written about the fear parents have with their children, who might get infected some day..


Although lots of attention goes out to the children, the illness will last for a lifetime. During childhood the child might just have problems with speaking and using their vocal cords, but when growing older (adulthood, 18+) the following symptoms might be added to the list:
- Excessive laughing
- Able to talk, but still pronounce words in an unusual way
- Having an obsession of staying on school for a long time (into adulthood)
- Having an obsession for Formula One
- Having a teacher on school with an official license of being a legal Ancient Mythical Sea monster
- Thinking he knows a lot about personal computer hardware and it's functionality, often resulting into crashes with Windows Vista.

Thé most famous victim of this infection, Swillum Mk-II, and his obsession for ... oh well


Although no anti-virus has been localized yet by science, there are some simple and effective tools on the market. Items may include household items, such as torture-racks and thumb-screws to bring the ill person to a silence, but also a PS3 might shoo him for a long time. A very familiar one though, is the cup of hot tea, which should be poured over the head, causing serious burning and haemorrhage.

A fuzzy thing on the head will often calm down a Swillum, he will consider the hat or cap as a part of his territorial environment, which he wishes to have control over.

The Future[edit]

Charity donations are the only thing that keeps the research flowing these days. But since it is quite hard to get these problems to everyone's attention organisations do not appear to be collecting enough money to fund the project.

Swillum Mk-II though, the oldest specimen, is being held under close supervision. Scientists are working around the clock to monitor and note his behavior in and around school (without him being aware of it of course). A road map of the life of Swillum Mk-II has already been made, pointing out what kind of girlfriend he will get, what university he will go to (RUN, study: ICT) and how long he will keep living with his parents (aprox. 45 years).

These studies of his behavior though, do not help limiting the virus from spreading. We could just hope the Virus simply dies out due to nature's natural selection or secret nuclear waste or in the worst case scenario.. let the whole of humanity get infected with it and have absolutely NO PROBLEM