Système International
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The Système International (S.I.) system of measurements was made by those French people so they could check how big things were without using a ruler. Whilst they claim its decimal system is more logical, everyone knows Imperial measurements (based on the penis-lengths of long-dead kings and breast-weights of buxom wenches) is more sensical in our modern, crazy lives. Système is also a russian martial art utilized by the country's corp of cybernetic ninjas (SPETZNAZ).
[edit] Common S.I. Units
- The breasticle, a measure of chest-size based on the standard size of a middle-aged hooker's breasts (who is addicted to crack cocaine).
- The unit for homosexuality, called the poof. It is defined as "the quantity of homosexuality equal to Liberace drinking a diet Cola drink whilst discussing how fat a celebrity looks in a new dress."
- The funk, the unit of odour, defined as the amount of odour registered at a distance of 1 Hot from a spherical hobo of constant density.
- The squeal, the amount of noise 263 weasels make whilst being spun in a blender at high speed. It is the S.I. unit for pleasure.
- The potato is the unit of measurement for the amount of beer one can chug before dying of laughter.
- The Hot is the distance that one can stand away from a fire.
- The Mole, the amount of paste needed to make nachos enjoyable. One GuacaMole is defined as Avocado's Number.
- The Angst-roms, the S.I. unit for angst.
- The 88-kazooz, the S.I. unit for CRAZY RANDOM INSANITY! and such.
NB: The pink pound, although it claims to be the S.I. unit for homosexuality, is actually an Imperial measurement. This is obvious when you consider its name (pink is a well-known Imperial colour, given Emperor Palpatine's fondness for pink negligée.).
