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“In Soviet Russia, nerd school goes to YOU!!”
“I can't remember an acronym that long!”
“The best school I've never actually talked about.”
TJHSST is an acronym for Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, a so-called "magnet school" which promotes "science" and "technology". TJHSST students do not actually attend any classes or participate in any academic activities, that is to say, TJHSST doesn't actually exist. The campus itself is a facade that secretly houses the film studio that will produce the prequel "Animal House: Preschool Years." It has been said that it is a hoax on such a grand scale that the entire administration of both SETI and UVA may be involved.
The school engages in an elaborate ruse that begins with an admissions process that includes a specialized high school exam designed by the CIA. While it appears to be a test that assesses the knowledge accumulated over a child's elementary and middle school career, it is in fact a communication tool used by FEMA to select students who use the magic sequence "abba cadaba" on the test. (That is to say, they answer the multiple choice section: a, b, b, a, c, a, d, a, b, a and repeat throughout the test). These students are guaranteed full Padawan status upon entering and are granted a full Jedi Knight diploma if they maintain secrecy for four years.
Casual observers in the Alexandria, Virginia neghborhood along Braddock Road will observe what appears to be students and teachers milling around the halls during the hours from 8:30 - 3:50, when the school claims to be in session. However, these images are complex holograms which will be discussed in a later section.
Proofs of non-existence
At night when the school is powered down all the holographic students and teachers mysteriously disappear. There are some paramilitary exercises that are run on the outdoor facilities which they cleverly disguise as sporting activities.
Students that "attend" TJ still ride busses to their base schools to prevent their parents from tracking their movements. From there the students are bussed to undisclosed locations where they are trained in highly covert techniques like DDR, Star Trek: DS9, Super Smash Bros Melee, Pokémon, and most importantly, StarCraft II.
It would be impossible to dupe an entire community with a fake school if it served the local community. At some point if geography was the only selecting factor, someone would give away the secret. This is the reason for using the Virginia Governor's Magnet School program as a cover, to select students from regions as far away as Faquier County who will maintain the school's secret purpose.
"TJHSST" is purported to be located at 6560 Braddock Road in Alexandria, Virginia. The school itself is a facade and is merely a front for secret SETI and CIA activities. As disclosed in an article in the Wall Street Journal.
The President for whom the school is named, was actually the first Nerd in American History. Siding with the French of many aspects of culture, he established the first Jerry Lewis fan club 150 years before the birth of the famed actor and comedian.
Some have argued that the sheer number of "TJ" students precludes their non-existence. This is precisely what Fairfax County Public Schools would like you to believe. When Ronald Reagan's attempts to dissolve the Department of Education to restore funds to the Intelligence Community failed, the CIA created TJHSST, a money diverting scheme that rivals the Iran-Contra plot.
We have received from a number of sources that the abba cadabba system of answering the multiple choice test questions along with putting the secret fraternal order Lambda, Lambda, Lambda (Revenge of the Nerds) in the essay portion of the test will guarantee accpetance to the school and a $1,000,000 scholarship offer to the Ivy League School of their choice .
All that can be said for certain is that these "students" are rewarded with scholarships and admissions to prestigious colleges and universities throughout the world as a reward for their participation in this elaborate hoax. With such sub-standard faclities are we truly to believe that the student body could maintain an SAT average that approaches 2300? For this to happen it would take levels of talent and dedication that we are all aware can not be possessed by teenagers.
In the December of 2006, a local paranormal investigator followed up his finding of Sasquatch with the first photograph of the TJHSST Athletic Department. There was a surprisingly low amount of blur in the picture, probably because the players weren't running very fast. Most sensible people denounce this photograph as the result of Photoshop and kitten huffing.
However, TJHSST does support a thriving e-sports community. Games such as Starcraft and League of Legends are supported by all of the students and staff at the school, and those who play the game are worshipped by their fellow students as idols and long to have sex with them, be they male or female.
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