Taco

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The Average Taco. Tasty ain't it?

A taco is a traditional American food based on a variation of a dish from the Moon, usually consisting of an inanimate object wrapped in a corn-based shell. Tacos are the reason for existence, humanity, earth, science, and science again.

Origins[edit]

Shouldn't this be censored?

Since the dawn of time, hunger has always existed... and the thing that solved this plague...THE TACO! The taco was a gift from the Gods of Asgard...this foreign object is claimed to be made by the mexicans...BUT THIS IS A LIE! (as well as the cake). The Gods soon realized that the humans were not worthy of this GODLY creation of "the taco" and fought an all out war to take it back. All hope was seemed to be lost for the humans, for it seemed the Gods were on the verge of taking the tacos back. But, when all hope seemed lost...a man fell from the sky and defeated the evil Gods of Asgard...This man is who we know today as Frank Zappa. Today, people still believe the taco to be from Mexico, this is a rumor spreaded from the Japanican race (similar things include the creation of the Great Wall of China and the birth of Hitler). So now, when you eat a taco THINK ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE that humanity went through to maintain this thing we call now as "the taco"...

Crossing the CAKE[edit]

The first taco in the United States was actually recorded by an immigration official on June 9, 1982, finding some in the backpack of a suspected illegal immigrant. Then on June 10, 1982, the first Taco Bell appeared in Tacoland, Alaska. Here Sarah Palin personally tried to defeat the Taco Bell to defend her native city ChocoTaco. But to no avail. She was eaten by a Volcano Taco TM (89 cents on the Why Pay More! TM Menu)shorty after losing the 2008 election. The American version of the taco featured a harder shell, a huge load of grease, cheese processed to hell and back, mildly rotten lettuce, and rat droppings (for flavor). God once visited taco bell, and after he took the first bite, a angel named Lusifer came along and consumed the remaining taco. God said, and I quote, "OMFG WTF Fokin STOOPID HAX0R N00B GET DA FOK OUTA HERE AND EAT YOUR OWN TACO YOU COKHEADED HASPANIC JEWISH POOSYFART WHO IZ A FOKIN MOMAZ BOIII!" and casted Lusifer to be forever danmed as The Lord of Darkness in a little place called Hell, where he would be shunned and was was forever doomed to be banned of his tacos, house, money, and run-on sentences. PS. Note ronald regan's hairy cheese wiener.

Recipes[edit]

Looks like shit, but tastes good

In reality just about anything can be stuffed into a taco shell, then consumed. Below are a few sample recipes:

Traditional

  • 20 pounds top sirloin STAKE, dont eat if you are a vampire
  • 1 cup lard
  • 10 corn tortillas
  • 1 medium onion, diced, 180 fresh habanero peppers
  • 4 limes, 1 bunch fresh cilantro

this is also a healthy alternative to fat lards like you 1. Mix shredded sirloin with limes, onion and cilantro, let marinade sit for 120 hours.

2. Warm lard in a large skillet, pour it over your naked smexy body.

3. Place tortillas on a plate, then wrap with marinated sirloin shreds. Let stand for several days. Serve and eat as many habanero peppers as you can stand, then do everything within your power to consume 20 more.

Fish
  • 10000 pounds of fresh asian meat filets
  • 1 5 by 5 foot corn tortilla
  • 5 ripe julienned avocados
  • 1 cabbage head and 4 cups tomato salsa

1. Put the 4 cups of tomato salsa in a medium saucepan and boil.

2. Mix cabbage and avocado shreds, drop the mixture into the boiling tomato sauce.

3. Toss the tortilla on the floor and throw the 20 lbs of raw fish on it, then wrap the fish with the tortilla.

4. Place the saucepan of boiled tomato sauce/avocado/cabbage into the microwave and heat it for 40 minutes, turning it over at the 20 minute mark

5. Unplug microwave and walk over to the fish taco. Open the microwave door and splash the taco with the boiled tomato sauce/avocado/cabbage.

6. Remove the medium saucepan and consume. For best results, eat off the floor.

Some tacos are afraid to be eaten

Chicken

  • 5 pounds of chicken breast
  • 4 gallons of condensed cream
  • 300 corn tortillas
  • 2 sticks of dynamite

1. In your backyard, mix sticks of dynamite and the five pounds of chicken, place mixture on the floor of your backyard, ignite dynamite and blow chicken up.

2. Climb on the roof of your house.

3. Throw the 300 corn tortillas onto your backyard, trying to cover each piece of of the detonated chicken, while at the same time trying to create a portrait of Abraham Lincoln. Drink the 4 gallons of condensed cream (this may take several hours).

Hell(AKA Death)

  • 7000 Gallons of rat poison
  • 2 Anti matter warheads
  • 1 Corn tortilla
  • A Open field
  • 7000 lb of ground beef from cows with mad cow disease

1: Go out into an open field spreading the ground beef on the ground until you have a crust about 10 inches thick over a 500 meter radius.

2: Drizle rat poison on ground beef covered field until saturated.

3: Climb up on top of house with a flamethrower and 2 anti matter warheads. set them up on the house facing the field. light fuse and run away.

4: If somehow you survive around 1/3 of the earth being obliterated go back to the field and pick up the charred radioactive meat,

5: Stick in tortilla and enjoy!

Pink

  • 10 pounds of cock
  • 1 or more tacos (pink)

1. Insert cock into taco.

2. Thrust.

3. Repeat until cock is white.

4. place in your asshole

Bambi's Fun Time Tricky Tacos

  • 75 pounds of 'Sleeping' deer
  • Hunting Gun w/ ammo

1. Go to nearest 'Happy Forest'

2. With Hunting Gun in hand gently fire a 'Sleep Time Pellet' Into a deer

3. Drag 'Sleeping Deer home'

4. Skin it and Take Gooey Marshmellows out.

5. Deep Fry at 700Degrees F

6. Shape the Skin

7. Fill skin with Happy Meat and enjoy!

vegatrean

  • 2 pounds vegatrean meat
  • 5 barrels of oil for marinade
  • 4 taco shells

Mix and serve!

Matt's Tortilla

1. (over nine thousand!) 9001 liters of nitroglycerin

2. 300 Spartans

3. salt to taste

4. taco shell

mix all ingredients (except taco shell) together in a CASSEROLE dish, cook at 9999999999999° Celsius for 65 years get the hell to china return when cooking is done and scoop into taco shell

See also[edit]