Taking Back Sunday

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Taking Back Sunday with new name

The Bonos, formally known as Taking Back Sunday, and the Church of Taking Back Sunday ,formerly (there's a difference you twits) known as St. Taking Sunday Back, was founded in 1698 by John McPilgrimface in New Jersey. For slightly over 300 years St. Taking Back Sunday was an extraordinarily unexceptional church. Nothing happened , no exorcisms, not even a senior citizen having a seizure and then having the church stand in awe as they died watching them "'speak in tongues'". However the introduction of revolutionary Baptist priest Adam Lazzzzzzzzarra changed the church's quiet ways.

"I was deeply disappointed by the turn out of our youth so I decided to actually do something about it. I formed a New Age Band for the church" Adam Lazzarrrrrrrrrrra said in his baptist preacher voice although he was repeatedly asked not to. His plan worked exceptionally well with youth, tripling the attendance of those under 25 within the first week. However the band became more successful than he had ever imagined. Within a year the band had amassed a massive fan base and had produced a gold album.

The Early Years[edit]

The Early Years of Taking Back Sunday also known as "The Nolan Years" was the period of time from 2000-2002 when former band mate John Nolan was still a member of the band. At the time Taking Back Sunday consisted of John Nolan at jazz flute (as well as back-up vocalist, Eddie Reyes was the lead harpist, Shaun Cooper was an energetic tambourine player, Jesse Lacey was running the Conch shell, Mark O'Connel at the Kongos, and Adam himself taking the role of lead singer. During this time John Nolan wrote all of the hymns that the group preformed in church and they were generally filled with great lyrical content focusing on God and "The Jesus". He did revolutionary things such as having Adam sing the sermon while the band played and singing various prayers in the background. This can be seen in their hit album Tell All Your Friends The Gospel. Especially in the song "God without the 'd' (God wants you to go).

The Transfer[edit]

Like many popular bands though, St. Taking Back Sunday took a hard hit because of religious differences. It started after a powerful sermon given by Adam one day, speaking about the church's view on inter-breeding and homosexual relationships, which was you would burn in hell. Shortly after this sermon John Nolan, Shaun Cooper left St. Taking Back Sunday to form a Pagan cult along with Nolan's sister called Straylight Run. After seeing two of his best friends leave the church that they had grown up in together, Jesse Lacey's faith was deeply shaken. He searched for a deeper meaning in life and founded Judaism. On a related note, Jews are no longer the most despicable living things.

With only black people left in the church (who just don't know how to play a jazz flute or tambourine) St. Taking Back Sunday had to go to their sister church Our Lady of Pangaea to find talent. They came out with Fred Maraschino, a well respected cherry, to play the jazz flute, and they found Matt Rubano (The Sandwich) to play the tambourine.

The new Taking Back Sunday

The Later Years[edit]

These years are also known as "Post-Nolan Years" and St. Taking Back Sunday went through many changes during this time with the coming of new years. First came the removal of classical garb that the band wore in exchange for street clothes. Next was the change of the German style church that had stood for 3 centuries to an amphitheater. The changes became more apparent once the new St. Taking Back Sunday released their new album stating they were simply "Taking Back Sunday". This album also featured much less bible verses and lyrical content relying more heavily on the music leaning closer to a Christian Rock sound. It even got to the point where Adam Laaaazara only had the time to scream "Praise the Jesus!" between songs. These changes met fans with mainly negative responses. One distressed fan has said "OMG there lyk t0tally sell 0u7s n0w".


Taking Back Sunday has recently taken a heavy hit when Fred Maraschino was devoured ravenously by John Nolan's beard. It is unknown how the group will react tragedy. However, in a quite ironic turn of events, Chuck Norris's beard punched John Nolan in the face whilst he was ravenously eaten by the beards of the members of ZZ Top.

Taking Back Sunday is back in the studio working on their 4th studio album entitled "New Testament", perhaps making an allusion to the new, Christ driven lives they are attempting to lead. A final release date has yet to be published but the crazy youth of the taking back Sunday church are praying that it will be sometime in the near, near future.

But Then!...[edit]

John Nolan was reborn from a turtle egg and came back to Taking Back Sunday... Then Taking Back Sunday officially changed their name to "The Bonos".


"Tell All Your Friends The Gospel"[edit]

  1. You Know How I Praise The Jesus
  2. Pastor Scene
  3. God Without The D(God Wants You To Go)
  4. There's No "Good" In The Devil
  5. Great Prophets Of The 21st Century
  6. Religious Man On 3rd
  7. Jewishwolves At Israel
  8. The Faith Channel
  9. You're So Last Sermon
  10. Spirit Club
  11. The Ballad Of Jesus Christ [Bonus Track]

"Where You Want To Be Is In Heaven"[edit]

  1. Set Phasers Towards Heaven
  2. Bonus Scripture Verse II
  3. A Decade Serving The Lord
  4. This Book Is Proof(I Know God Is Great)
  5. The Convent
  6. New American Bible Verse
  7. I Am Jesus Christ
  8. 3:16 by John
  9. Number 5 Of The Disciples
  10. Little Devotional For Christ
  11. ...Prayers On The Inside
  12. Your Own Saviour [Bonus Track]

"We're Now Louder For Christ"[edit]

  1. What's It Feel Like To Be A Child Of God?
  2. Follower Of Christ(It Takes One To Know One)
  3. MakeDarnSure You Follow The Lord
  4. Up Against(The Servants Of Satan)
  5. My Real Heaven
  6. Twenty-Twenty Verses Of Scripture Should Be Read
  7. Spin Away From The Grip Of Satan
  8. Divine Inspiration From God
  9. Jerusalem
  10. Error: Not Enough Faith
  11. I'll Let You Live With Jesus
  12. Brooklyn (If You See Satan, Tell Jesus) [Bonus Track]
  13. Always Pray Before You Go To Sleep [Bonus Track]

"New Testament"[edit]

  1. The New Testament
  2. Sink Into The Arms of Jesus
  3. Lonely Without God's Company
  4. Holy Man
  5. Swing to Heaven
  6. Where My Bible Is
  7. Bless Me Mother Jenny
  8. Catholic Knees
  9. Capital G-O-D
  10. Listening To Carpathia In Church
  11. I Must Go To Heaven
  12. Didn't See The Devil Coming [Bonus Track]
  13. Long Time Catholic [Bonus Track]
  14. Listening To Carpathia In Church(Version Dance Dicaprio)[Bonus Track]