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[edit] 1991

• The last time that Metallica released a decent album. Actually, that was a lie. Metallica have never released a decent album.
• January 1 George Bush (Sr.) overthrows the US government and establishes himself as the Emperor of America. Meanwhile Bill Clinton moves to Paris, France.
• Wolfgang Fritz Rainer was strangled to death by enemy Neil Armstrong.
• Neil Armstrong landed on the moon on the Apollo 12 mission
• Watergate was cancelled.
• Taddington death tube kills 7
• World War 2 was briefly restarted from April 12 - 18th.
• Sakai won all Iron Chef battles.
• Rasputin’s Penis is granted a full pardon by Mikhail Gorbachev.
• Kangaroos were invented.
• Kurt Cobain dies after choking on a smartie.
• Tupac Shakur rises from the ashes in New York City, Alabama.
• The comic book Watchmen is published.
• Jamaican psychic Miss Cleo's head inexplicably explodes. It is later suspected the result of Exploding Head Syndrome.
• June 5: Filipinos rejoiced when the Rapture arrived, then sued God when he said they weren't Baptist enough to deserve it.
• June 17: G-Nutz and The Resistance that was found in the mid '80s by Jimmy Carter aka Mr. Peanuts aka DJ Peanuts-Salty to rebel against the federal government, finally fell due to personal disputes and an invasion by The Rokin' Alliance led by former G-Nutz gansta LL Cool Tomatoe.
• Death Row is founded by Suge Knight, Dr. Dre and Willy Wonka.
• The Fourth of July was cancelled. George Bush would later say that this was an act of terrorism by Hitler.
• Captain Marvel dies and is succeeded by Superman.
• July 7th- First king of Earth is born, takes the throne 28 years later
• September 28 Jesus briefly came back, however, nobody looked busy (and there were far too many novelty t-shirts) and so he left again. Typical.
• October 4 - Z was born into the family of B. They disowned him and moved him to the end of the alphabet.
• The church destroys all known documentation about stingrays, with the exception of the transcription of an oral presentation by an elementary school student.
• October 10 the world asploded yet again because of termites.....dam them
• October 16 Some chick named Sam is born. She achieves nothing with the exception of winning 3 medals at a German competition. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
• Telescum New Zealand concludes in an internet survey that 95% of New Zealand citizens like to be screwed around. It has since been confirmed that Telescum mislaid the survey results and replaced it with an internet survey of people who spoke l337, asking them if they thought they were h4x00rs and they pwned. LOL!
• The act of kitten huffing was outlawed in Latvia and Sweden.
• Penguins lost the ability to fly.
• Attack of the Killer Potatoes airs on the BBC, while Killer Tomatoes Eat France! debuts on American television.
• Dr. Seuss was cryogenically frozen by Shania Twain and her band Franz Ferdinand only to be thawed out, raped, murdered, and consumed in his entirety by the Keebler Elf.
• God's clumsy butler drops the Soviet Union, causing it to shatter into about 15 or so pieces. Ethnic strife gets all over floor.
• Wesley Willis hit old people with folding chairs.
• Noel Edmonds releases his comeback album "Led Zeppelin VII".