Talk:Alberto Gonzales

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From Pee Review[edit]

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Final Score: 26.9 looking at your final score, i see this article falls into the category of 'inadequate, might be rewrite'. this should not suprise you as the article is not finished. however, i will say that i am optimistic about this one, which i don't say on every review. i hope you find my concept suggestion workable, as i really do think that it could turn this one into a winner. it probably wouldn't hold up too well in mainspace in its current form, but some extending and fleshing out would render it very mainspace-able. maybe more details about his daily life and coping with forgetting things. after doing this, i suggest another opinion via pee review before a move to mainspace (just to be cautious). i hope you find this review informative, and as always, i offer you my services via the Gerryphone, and also the option of ignoring this review altogether. good luck!
Reviewer: --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:54, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
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Final Score: 38.8 This is a very nice article with one joke. The writing needs just a little bit of tweaking. You're a great writer, so I know this won't be any problem for you. It's right on the edge of being VFH-worthy, it just needs a little something more.
Reviewer: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF  01:23, 21 December 2007 (UTC)
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Final Score: 35
Reviewer: ----OEJ 00:57, 31 December 2007 (UTC)


Endnotes:

The Easy Bit: There are some infelicities in language. One does not go to "speak at a testimony", one is summoned for a hearing or invited to give testimony. Probably "retired his political career" should be "retired from his political career" or "retired from politics" or just plain "retired".

The Hard Bit: Well, as I read the first part I thought, this is almost the plain truth. But as I went along the satirical flavor became more pronounced.

Now, that said, most of the humor seems to be based on the idea that Gonzales does not recall anything about the firing of the attorneys, or about much of anything. That's a good joke, but I wanted other jokes as well. More variety.

I maintain that having a theme or a few major themes in an article is a good thing. But in the piece to hand I would appreciate some departures from the main theme. I guess the upshot is, I wanted more funny. I wanted comical little scenes and some character actors doing bit parts. I might recommend thinking up some "scene-starter" lines and seeing if any of them spark an inspiration for a comic bit. Miss Cracknuckle from the public library in Humble, Texas, approached Gonzales on the steps of the White House. "Young man, you checked out Horton Hears A Who in 1963 and never returned it. You owe the library $52,945.15 in late fees." Police Sergeant Lester Thudd remembers how Gonzales used to steal napkins from the White House cafeteria. Senator Larry Craig taps Gonzales (on the toe) to head up the Idaho Closet Club.

I dunno. Those ideas are pretty bad. But I would have appreciated a wider variety of jokes. Yes, easier said than done...MUCH easier. That's my recommendation, though.

Good luck with this piece --

----OEJ 00:58, 31 December 2007 (UTC)

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Final Score: 35.6 I think I would get rid of the "bid for president" section (as I can't really see that going anywhere), and trim the footnotes section, while streamlining the introduction. This is a lot like There except you'll have to slip the "ambiguousness" in under the radar! That's a complicated task in itself, let alone trying to make this boring guy funny. This is an average/above-average article in my opinion, but there's some work to go. Hope I helped, AE! Keep on truckin'! (Ring my bell!)
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <-> Jan 11 (19:30)
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Final Score: 33 see below
Reviewer: --DJ Irreverent 05:59, 17 January 2008 (UTC)


You are a good writer I can see that but this article just lacked direction.

What it needs is a theme and an objective.

The theme needs to be something engaging like; written in the style he talks, talking up the subject matter, a rant (It may work), an idea which is way out from what everyone expects, that kind of thing. You have some good writing here but you need to steer it towards a central idea. Don't go off on tangents unless you really need to for the article.

One idea I had while reading was, incorporating your ideas into some really "high up" satire. Pretend Gonzales works down at your local grocery store as some illegal immigrant. You can use the ideas in this, such as the I can not recall thing, like so -

Once I asked him where the ketchup was, he just replied in a heavy Mexican accent "Ketchup? I do not recall the existence of a ket yup?" But I found it just down the aisle...

Just my 2 cents.

Anyway. It is a good article, but to survive VFH it needs an overall theme IMO--DJ Irreverent 05:59, 17 January 2008 (UTC)

From Pee[edit]

Alberto Gonzales[edit]

I forgot about this for a few weeks, but then I read Sergei Rachmaninoff today and that provided me inspiration to take this into a completley different direction than it was before. Suggestions?--Æ 00:25, 2 February 2008 (UTC)

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Final Score: 32.5 Your homework to fix this article is straightforward, Read HTBFANJS, take a look at a few featured bibliographies, spice up the pictures, read your article to a friend, and….. PROFIT! =D
Reviewer: Warm regards, Javascap 12:44, 14 March 2008 (UTC)