From Uncyclopedia Studios at uncyclopedia.org, it's Talk Show! Tonight, our sections include Genres, History, Business, List of TV talk shows, and musical guests External Links (cheers and applause)! Now, heeeeeeeere's your host, The Introduction!
Wow, wasn't the band great? Welcome to the show, everybody. There's a lot of good stuff we need to get to soon, so I'm gonna do this introduction real fast.
- The government of Arkansas is pardoning Keith Richards for being a reckless driver thirty-one years ago. When asked to comment, Keith Richards said, "Holy crap, I'm still alive."
- In somewhat related news, actor Daniel Baldwin is in the hospital after recklessly driving and crashing his car. The LA police spokesman says he was trying to kill himself, having lost faith in mankind after seeing Little Man.
- And finally, the cop from the Village People is behind bars for drug possession. When interviewed he said that he has no regrets, as he loves getting ass-raped by his inmate. (laughs from the audience)
And just a reminder of our guests tonight, we have Genres (cheers), History (cheers), Business (cheers), the List of TV talk shows (cheers) and musical guests External Links (huge applause).
(The band plays "YMCA" as The Introduction walks to his desk.)
Okay, before we get to the interviews, it's time for everyone's favorite comedy bit: "Wow, People are Stupid!"
Wow, People are Stupid!
- The Introduction: Which former US president died earlier this year in January?
- Person 1: Uh, wasn't the last president who died Reagan, who died earlier than last January? (The Introduction tries to hide his laughter.)
- The Introduction: What is Eminem's real name?
- Person 2: Marshall Mathers. (The Introduction is red in the face with bottled-up chuckles.)
- The Introduction: When we come back, we'll talk with Genres! Stick around!
My first guest helps define different types of talk shows, and helps people classify them. Please welcome, genres! Genres: Thanks for having me. Intro: So, what are the different types of talk shows? Genres: Well, the first type is fanboy talk shows. Remember, the talk show began as a forum for hardcore Buffy fans. Intro: Ah, yes. Genres: There's also sports shows, political shows, tabloid shows, and shows that have not only interviews, but also sad attempts at comedy, like this one. (The audience boos.)
Originally invented in 1741 by the evil genius Louis Pasteur, the "talk show" began as forum for fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to come and discuss the weekly slaying and whether or not Riley had a cute butt that week. It was only years after perversion by Andy Warhol that talk shows began spawning such new creatures as Jerry Springer, Riki Lake and Satan Jesse Raphael. Later, Oprah would come to capture the genre and twist it to her own evil intents. Mister Rogers is well known for using puppet slave labor to staff his show. Most people agree that the Armageddon equation actually uses both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Oprah as constants, and they play major roles in said event. Apparently, the equation predicts that the Slayer will demolish the fatty, shag James Marsters and then make cupcakes for her sister.