Tampere

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The monster[edit]

In Greek mythology, the Tampere (also known as Tamperkele) is a gigantic monster, described by most ancient lunatics as a purple reptile with four ears shaped like the head of Richard Nixon, a slimy, very long tail and and an ability to sneeze at any time. It used to fight with its eternal adversary Turku, a terrible seamonster, for several millennia until Zeus turned them both into insurance clerks, after which they finally destroyed each other.

The city[edit]

The Näsinneula, with its single all-seeing eye watching the terrified inhabitants of Tampere 24 hours a day.

Tampere is rumored to be a city with some actual population. Most of the population lives on the stomach of the huge, gay,the fatest monster Vartola and somelikely gay also..so..beware, who also takes up half of the total land area. Most scholars place the city of Tampere somewhere in eastern Borneo, while the CIA claims it to be located in the semi-colloquial royalist arctic refuge of Finland. This is yet to be proven, and while several explorers have gone looking for Tampere, only a handful have returned. This handful, when asked what Tampere was like, were unable to speak anything else but nonsensical gibberish. Apparently there are buses in Tampere, called 'now-it' in the local language. The surviving explorers also have revealed that the person selling tickets is called 'mole' in Tampere. The natives worship a mysterious deity called Näsinneula, who decrees that horrible black sausages (also known as mustamakkara) must be eaten in his honour. The Näsinneula often takes the form of a towering spire with a most excellent rotating restaurant on top. It is also reported that the natives of Tampere have strong antagonistic feelings for turku, even though most of them seem not to know what it is. Beware of confusing the inhabitants of Tampere by saying that a free black sausage is hidden in Risto's pants. Tampere has also a big anus. ...but new evidence has come to light since after venni aka vibagaysaarinen was raped by he's own dick by a mongolian dog...Risto The Assfuck has been cheating on Juhani and Taskinen has come really mad about it and there has been bad raping amoung them....Writer Risto....who thinks that he is not homosexual but this is not true...Risto is gay so dont worry...just be careful when you are near him.... Tampere is also the home of the worlds most famous gay soap operaKalle is the fat graesy long armed dick face who roams the streets of tampere looking for his love risto, but risto just wonts to get in to ottos pants and oto wants lauri but lauri is just humping rabbits... in the end tamperkele just comes and eats them all!!!!!! muahhaahhaahhaahahahahah! a picture of venni saarinen

Tamperes national anthem: tampere is so great everyones ready to mate. all the other citys suck(ristos balls) for that you need no luck!


Tamperes president: harry dick dixie dickson



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Trivia[edit]

  • It was in Tampere where Risto and Tuomo who first met in a local karaoke and quiz show bar where they had one night stand.
  • Aldous Huxley's novel Brave New World Is My Ass is set in Tampere.
  • Tampere is the actual home of Star Trek.
  • 83.2% of Tamperians are engineers or wannabe-engineers.
  • 71.8% of Tamperians work in pipe factories and the rest are unemployed or dead.
  • Risto loves anal and enjoys collecting flowers.

Kale is the fat ass long arm dick face who roams the streets of tampere looking for his love otto butotto is going after lauri who is actually fucking animals!! some love story eh!

See also[edit]

Trivia: Tampere is home to Star Wreck. Not Star Trek