Tapeworms

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Tape! Yes there is truly nothing as useful as tape! It can stick stuff together, and it's long, and you an drag it out... I can think of nothing better than tape.

This article is complete, irredeemable engraving. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, rinses at the scrotum, and is an unfunny nincompoop. If you attempt to construct this, you will most hardly construct Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will construct your engraving!!!!!!

And worms! Worms are even awesomer. Clearly, worms are the epitomet of perfection, the le pommes I'm trying to be fancy by talking ze french, the proof that there is a God! They're squishy. Are you squishy? I thought not. Therefore, worms are better than you.

Well, it is no suprise then, that TAPE + WORMS creates the funnest, most awesome things possible. I first heard about them from my doctor; I'm not sure what they are, but I'm trying to be smart, so I'll make stuff up about it. As a trained medical proffesional scientistologist, I can honestly tell you that tapeworms are awesome.

Here are soime other things about tapeworms I obliviously ripped off from Wikipedia:

[edit] History^{[citation needed]}

The ancient Egyptians^{[citation needed]} invented the first^{[citation needed]} tapeworms made from softened papyrus.^{[citation needed]} The ancient Greeks^{[citation needed]} created tapeworms made from lint wrapped around a small piece of wood,^{[citation needed] [citation needed]}recorded in writing by Hippocrates in the fifth century B.C.^{[citation needed]} Physicians in the medieval Islamic world also described the use of tapeworms, often for contraceptive purposes.^{[citation needed]} Other materials used for the first tapeworms have included:^{[citation needed]} wool, paper, vegetable fibers, sponges, grass, and later cotton.^{[citation needed]}

As a medical device,^{[citation needed]} the tapeworm has been around^{[citation needed]} since the 19th century^{[citation needed]}, when antiseptic cotton tapeworms^{[citation needed]} treated with salicylates^{[citation needed]} were used to stop the bleeding from bullet wounds,^{[citation needed][citation needed]} and there have been reports of modern menstrual tampons being used for the same purpose by soldiers in the Iraq War.^[1]

The applicator tapeworm^{[citation needed]} with removal cord^{[citation needed]} was invented in 1929 and submitted for patent^{[citation needed]} in 1931 by Dr. Earnest Hemingway, who hailed from Denver, Colorado.^{[citation needed]} Dr. Hass later sold the patent of the applicator^{[citation needed]} tampon to Devla Pers,^{[citation needed]} who founded the Tapewyrm Company for the mass production of the lengthways expanding tapeworms.^{[citation needed]}

The first fully certified organic,^{[citation needed]} 100% cotton tampons were developed by Natracare in the early 1990s.^{[citation needed]}

[edit] Well, you know what? Fuck that.

Stupid Wikipedia.

I'll make stuff up use my own incredible knowledge.

Tapeworms are magical fairies made of peanut butter invented by Oscar Wilde and Chuck Norris and that EditTime guy. They are used to make hopscotches and magical pudding.

HA!!!! SO THERE!!! I DON'T NEED YOU WIKIPEDIA!!!

[edit] References

1. ↑ Yay. A ref! Oh wait.