Tauren

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The tauren (also called TAREN by 9 year olds) is widely considered the most uber leet race in the World Of Warcraft, the one true form of awesome. It is big and black and white, and one of its positive features is its 3 inch penis. It is alike to the Minotaur, with almost the exact same cosmetic appearance and stature, but it has a slightly more pronounced hump on its back, shoulder height being higher than it's head.

The quarterback for the cowboys!

The tauren have often been considered peaceful plains-dwelling cows by most, but in truth they are barbaric (only towards Alliance). They eat gnomes for breakfast, lunch, and second lunch, following the eating schedule of hobbits. For dinner they usually feast upon paladin meat because it's very nutritious.

When the tauren first migrated to Cuba they fit in easily with Cuba's first inhabitants. Eventually they were forced to disguise themselves by eating humans and covering themselves with the skins' of a thousand Mexicans. This lead to the great pact between the tribes, leading to the friendship of all tauren. They became crazed for punting gnomes, and as they ate rocks to gain strength(cause that's how awesome tauren are). Everyone partyed except one tauren who was named Thunderboar, who punted gnomes with explosives strapped to their backs into the sky and made them explode in a blast of different colors (thats how Fireworks were made)

She totally wants it.

Sometimes a tauren is even caught roaring, "for the horde!" or other awesome phrases...

When the tauren were hiding except the last one, he wrote a memoir under the alias Abraham Lincoln, impersonating a young Lincoln to gain notice in the world. Somehow it ended up as a fiction tale in the kids section of Barnes & Noble.

It is known that Tauren can not get Mad Cow Disease.

Real Life Sightings[edit]

Though mainly seen in World of Warcraft, recent sightings of Tauren have been mentioned by numerous people. At a local school, when questioned on the subject of Tauren, one student replied: "Yeah, I know this guy... he sorta looks like a Tauren. I mean, he's big. And he likes hairy women." When questioned as to where such a person could be located, we were quickly interrupted by loud shout of "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAALLL", and saw a relatively large, hairy being run after a small object being punted across the parking lot. (Some claimed it was a gnome).

Upon much searching, it was concluded that there was no Tauren present since nobody from the search party returned alive. The flying object, however, has yet to be identified. (it was a gnome dumbass)

News Flash: Watch out for the Tauren Hunters as they like to turn gnomes into gnome Burgers

Famous Tauren[edit]

Besty of Wisconsin Thunderboar of Nathrezim

Statements to a Tauren[edit]

Mitch Hedberg, through a seance session, said to a Tauren:
"You, are a Tauren. The cycle is complete." he was brutally murdered when forty tauren came out of nowhere and shot him to death. (thank god)

tauren's unique skills[edit]

  • ROFL STOMP

Nearly equivalent to Chuck Norris's round house kick, but with a huge abnormal hairy hoof (which was designed by a a guy in blizzard who was on uber pills at the time and saw one of the employee's as inspiration

  • Leading cause of death in alliance players

Enjoy that life of yours while you can....wait you dont have a life! *stabs*