Teen Titans

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Teen Titans is another cartoon from Cartoon Network in which the characters never grow.

“I'm supposed to be based off this guy? He's fucking Michael Jackson!!! Or so the legend goes..”

~ Deadpool on Slade

“I had sex with each and every member, at once.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Teen Titans

“So did I!”

~ Michael Jackson who played Slade in this show on the above quote

“FUCK!! Why didnt we think of this?!! This is fucking gold!”

~ 4kids on The Teen Titans

“Do these tights make my ass look fat?”

~ Robin on His tights

“Not at all.”

~ Slade on Robin's Ass

“I swear officer!! That bitch told me she was eighteen!!”

~ Deadpool on Starfire

“Me too!!!”

~ Slade on Robin

“Give me my "T" back fools!!!”

~ Mr. T on The Teen Titans

“Dananananananana Batman!”

~ Beavis and Butthead on The Teen Titans


Characters[edit]

These are the people who are lucky enough to have a significant part in the show.

Robin[edit]

The spiky head bozo of the team. Robin is a really scary dude whose few emotions come and go. Sometimes he's an emo prick or just bat fuck insane. He was believed to be dead, undead, or blind for his eyes look mysteriously white, until it was revealed that he never takes off his goddamn mask, and thus hides his eyes under them. He'll take off his suit for anything (anything) and anyone (ANYONE) but he'd never ever take off his mask because he thinks it's his source of coolness It was noted from a reliable source that he's gay and is very interested in fashion and style indeed. It is revealed that he has (of course) 69 pairs of identical tights that he tries on every day in front of his 50 mirrors. He has ONE fanboy who is called Larry the Extra Terrestrial. Larry has a glowing finger and is apparently Robin from an alternate universe who is rumored to be bisexual despite his attraction to horny alien chicks (*cough* Starfire *cough*). He enjoys watching Wrestling and Oprah, though he only watches her when he locks the others in the basement after he tells them there's a magic lamp hidden in the boxes. He, along with Cyborg, falls on the line in between smart and retarded. Smart because he 1) Has a billionaire Bruce Wayne for a step-dad 2) Has all of his own gadgets and 3) Fixed Bruce's will and named himself a the heir of his entire estate. He is a retard because he wears those tights and because he hasn't killed the others yet, despite their whining and nagging at his emotionless personality, tights, and obsession with Slade. He has at least two possible twin brothers/clones, their names are Speedy and Red X. He plans on assassinating Bruce during the Wayne Christmas or New Years party when Bruce is fucking drunk. He then plans to get adopted by Ironman...muahahahahaha!

Robin, enjoying freedom from his tights

Starfire[edit]

The main source of hentai for the show. Most of the hentai found on the internet with her in it are probably just her home videos. She's an alien from the planet Tamaran or something that sounds like a fruit. She came to Earth after she and her sister were raped by Gordanians, Psions, Citadelians, Slade, Michael Jackson, and Mr. Rogers, and her planet asploded. She then hijacked a space vehicle filled with acid and cannons that was being shipped to Iraq. She led a high speed space chase which ended when Space Ponch almost arrested her but due to him recognizing her from her hentai blog online, he let her go and she ran off to Earth to meet her horny fans. While there, she seduced Robin, blew up Great Britain and changed into an even more revealing outfit to please all of the horny Cartoon Network producers. All of the Teen Titans are part of her horny hentai fanclub.

Its said that she has to be happy to fly, angry to use her starbolts and horny to fuck but throughout the series we can see that this is not true or she was just lying to Raven so they could fuck, in the end the fanbase for both girls doubled. 

She has a huge crush on Robin or just really wants to see what he's hiding under those tights but doesn't realize that he's saving himself for Slade- er, marriage. Right, right, marriage. She later gets really, really fat due to the fact that her 2 husbands died in rage after killing each other, and her 5 boyfriends cummed themselves to death after watching too much of her internet porn. She fell into a deep depression and ate until she weighed 269lbs and grew her hair out longer than Repunzel's

Beast Boy[edit]

The green-skinned, and presumably, the youngest member of the team. A complete loser to some, he's almost never gotten a date, the only exception being Terra, a partial member of the team who betrayed them. Even after finding out that she was fucking Slade this entire time, he still won't just get over her. Add to this the fact that he's a vegetarian, and you've got one SAD superhero. He has only 1 tooth, but what the hay he could just transform to some other piece of shit.

He's supposed to be comic relief, but he epically fails at that too. A lot of people like to pair him with Raven because of their bad relationship. Like all failures, he likes pranking people, and video games. Basically, he's the Grinman of the show, not because he's funny, but because he smiles for no fuckin' reason. He is constantly happy and hides strange substances is his dump of a room.

Cyborg[edit]

The black guy of the team (Notice that many cartoons, movies, TV shows, etc. always have at least a white person, asian person, and a black person). He hates Robin since he is a wigger, and that's disrespectful to Cyborg's homies. Thankfully, Cyborg has gotten into football, a true American sport, right after Baseball. Although he's still known to steal shoes, a bad habit for a superhero.

As his name suggests, he's a Cyborg, due to rebuilding after crash landing back on Earth after a space exploration with Reed Richards, Sue Storm and Johnny Storm- wait a minute. That's not it. Shit I don't know why he's a cyborg, he just is. Anyway, whatever the origin, he has many mechanical parts. Despite his penis still being intact, he uses mechanical implants to get an erection, not because he has to but because he wants to.

Cyborg falls into the line between smart, and retarded, smart because he's half-robot, retarded when he hangs out with that perma-virgin, Beast Boy. Contrary to popular belief, he's actually the SECOND strongest on the team.(See Starfire.) He has a sonic LAZER(See lazer.) on his arm. He doesn't really have any actual powers, just technological stuff.

Cyborg is having an affair with the T-Car.(The Teen Titan's super-car that he put his heart and robotic soul into to build, which later got stolen, & totaled, then he retrieved it, AND THEN he had to rebuild it, albeit, with the help of Raven.) This tells us that's he's an automobophile since he's also possessive of it, refers to it as a she, and calls it his baby, which is incest.

He's in Smallville for some reason even though it takes place like ten years before the Titans are even formed but hey, they've already completely destroyed beloved characters such as Lana Lang so much so that fanboys are begging for them to kill her and hell even Clark Kent could not avoid the crap that is his untrue life on the CW so why the hell not fuck with the time stream?

Raven[edit]

Main Article: Raven (superhero).

The missing Baudelaire from Lemony Snicket's "A Series Of Unfortunate Events". She was adopted by Trigon. Although she's distant from the Baudelaires, she still inherits their EMO issues and ridiculous paleness prompting many to believe she is the love child of Michael Jackson and Joan Rivers. She is the example of a child's life gone bad. Her character is made to be an example for mothers and fathers who thought that orphaning their children would teach them a lesson. Most people seem to think that Raven is hotter than Starfire. However if you are the one comparing two cartoon characters to get an erection, I'm afraid your time is ill spent and I ask you to get off the computer. The angry dwarf squad will soon come to beat your head in.

Other Titans[edit]

Blue Beetle[edit]

“Go back to China!”

~ Beast Boy on Blue Beetle

“But I'm from Meheco, senor Beast Boy...”

~ Blue Beetle on Beast Boy's comment

A short-term team member, Blue Beetle featured sporadically throughout the show. Although a staunch ally of the team, he frequently caused tension within the team with his twisted lifestyle and troubling deeds, varying from uncanny eccentricities such as having a girlfriend who was neither plastic or imaginary, to indulging in that most preoccupying of wastes in our society; an actual education. Shocking of as his attitude may have seemed, the Titans would often treat him with an undue level of contempt, with Robin even going so far as to deport him back to central America on the charge of being within 200 yards on an acquaintance of a friend of a cousin of a lover of a milkman who had run over a dog who had been sighted at a break in at Chuck-ee Cheese. Fortunately, Robin's plan failed largely on in regards due too his refusal to acknowledge the difference between Panama and Mexico.

While it was never explicitly confirmed, many fans speculated they were envious of him as he represented a life that could have been there’s if it weren't for the writer's unwillingness to even think of giving an iota of back story. Or maybe it was down to Beast Boy's demand for more screen time to brag about his inane views on pop culture, which included but wasn't limited to his 100 reason account of why Michael Bay is the greatest artist of all time.

Truly, he was the best out of all of them.


Beavis and Butthead[edit]

Although in the team for only about five minutes, in those five minutes, they managed to make it into Teen Titan history! Basically they forgot to flip a switch because they were eating nachos and the monster the other Titans were fighitng ended up killing them. They are known as the only surviving Titans and the only ones to point out that Starfire has orange boobs. When asked how they felt about their teammates passing they simply said, "Didn't one of them have orange boobs?"

Anti Heroes[edit]

Terra[edit]

Was once a Teen Titan and the only one who could keep down Starfire's crappy ass cooking. She has the only known fetish for green skinned retards. Despite being blonde, she is very unpopular with hentai writers due to the fact that she is attracted to Beast Boy, and because of that God smites her (and turns her to stone). That and because she whores herself out to a middle aged supervillain.

Red X[edit]

He is Racer X's illegitimate child with some slut he chooses not to name. He has earned respect from people by being the only straight character in this drug trip. (I know right? there's actually a straight person here! First time for everything!) Although the first person to be him was Robin (gay) the next person was completely straight as he used his Sticky Neo Republican X's (yes, that was in the show) to totally beat the living crap out of the team. And while beating them he totally hit on Starfire hereby showing him as the only straight character, because he's Republican, and as we all know, ALL REPUBLICANS are straight as arrows. STRAIGHT.

Oh and Jason Todd has something to do with him or whatever...who really keeps track of this?

Villains[edit]

Slade[edit]

No, he's not Batman.

The main villain of the show. In the beginning of the first season it was thought that he was straight until the two part season ender in which he makes Robin his apprentice. In the second season we figure out that he is not in fact Gay but Bisexual as he then makes Terra his apprentice. In both cases, his love for androgynous and anorexic prepubescent teenagers is evident. This season was the best because at the end the Teen Titans actually die except the executives at Cartoon Network thought it would be too adult for a children's television show. In the end, the Titans actually survive for reasons unexplained as they fell into the Earth but somehow found caves to survive blah blah blah. I am not making this up! Watch it! I dare you!!!

In the unproduced season 6 it would be revealed he was in fact Michael Jackson, explaining his obsession with teenagers and keeping his face covered. The plan was that in the epic season finale, which would definitively link the show to the greater DCAU, they would have Beast Boy get a life. The Titans, realizing they need a complete loser in the team to make themselves look awesome in comparison, hold tryouts to see who would be the newest Teen Titan. Oddly enough, they were to allow Slade into the team on the basis of him not being able to kill those "snot nosed, horny, idiotic teenagers with zero brains" and would so not be able to do anything to them as they would always come out on top. (And in one cas, quite literally) In the epic finale there was to be a ginormagantuan fight between him and Batman to see who would get to keep Robin, treating him like property instead of the tight wearing Peter Pan teenage she-male he is. Throughout the entire fight Robin would've had an erection which would've happened whether there was a fight or not, that horny bastard needs to get shagged. Slade biggest fetish is abuse due to hitting all of his apprentices and giving a creepy sexual monologue afterward.

Get your hands off my happy cake, you little bastard!

Trigon[edit]

Trigon is actually Hellboy's father who's sense of style and fashion is a ragged g-string. Married to numerous sluts including your mom, Trigon managed to create a baby named Raven who's size is still smaller than his dick. Then again, the reason that we know that Mr. Trigon's dick is larger than his daughter is because he flashes his dick under his ragged g-string in every appearance. He wanted to take over the world and turn it into his own vision of perfection, which included him in complete solitude which oddly enough he already had, however he was defeated by Raven as her emoness was much much much more powerful than any gigantic dick. That and something about him getting slapped with a paternity suit by Red Hulk's mom.

Brother Blood[edit]

Brother Blood is an evil cult leader who brainwashes young children (anyone else getting a sense of repetition in this show?), has long white robes, a British accent (because everyone is eviller with a British accent, its proven science) and wants to take over the world much like Oscar Wilde before he lost his balls in a poker game with Chuck Norris. He was eventually defeated by Cyborg after he challanged him to the very same poker game Chuck Norris had to Oscar Wilde. Brother Blood lost his balls and Cyborg got to add some to his collection (including Robin's, Raven's, Beast Boy's and Trigon's). Somehow being super strong and nimble with a variety of powers didn't seem to quell the brits appetite and due to being the voice of Marcus Fenix he wanted to have kick ass metal armor

Brotherhood of Evil[edit]

A bunch of bad guys consisting of a former Nazi, a talking trash can, a psychotic Gorilla and Ivan Drago's mom. Like every other villain on this show they want to take over the world for some undefined reason. Due to timing constraints plans to include Osama Bin Laden, Dick Cheney, Joel Schumacher, Jack the Ripper and Satan in the group were scrapped at the last minute. Damn.

Mad Mod[edit]

Also known as Austin Powers' evil twin brother, Axis Powers, and no he's not Dr. Evil. Much like Brother Blood, Axis has a British accent which obviously means he's evil. Fanstasically Britishly evil!! However, they differ in a number of points. As while Blood wants to rule the world, Axis just wants to stick barely copyrighted images everywhere to make everything British and therefore EVIL!! When the producers were asked why he wanted to do this they said there was a man who lived on the peak of Mount Kilimonjarro in the hollowed out shell of a giant tortoise who might have a pretty good explanation.

Blackfire[edit]

Starfire's hot ass sister. Sure, she's evil, and got some junk in the trunk, but who gives a fuck?! She's a hottie hot hottie! Robin, Cyborg and Red X (but not Beast Boy) did her. Even Slade and Terra let her join in. Beast Boy tried to get some, but was incinerated when he slapped Blackfire's fat ass.

Jinx[edit]

Even bigger emo than Raven who can, like, alter probability or something like that. Pretty much a rip off of Scarlet Witch only nowhere near as hot or as powerful and a prepube. Also a major contributor to the childhood destroyer association, lead member being zone tan

Again Uncyclopedia would like to apologize.

Even more forgettable Titans[edit]

seriously, who gives a damn about them anymore?

Aqualad[edit]

Michael Phelps when he was clean, sober, and was famous for being Aquaman's bitch. Now he is a pot smokin' (no Jim Carey pun intended ) , tree hugging, WWF hasbeen that for some reason makes Beast Boy look like a pimp when compared to each other.

Speedy[edit]

A gayer, archer version of Robin. Likes to shoot dildo-shaped arrows at enemies' mouths in order to forget about the constant buttrape Michael Jackson did to him as a kid.

Red Star[edit]

What Lenin always wanted Stalin to be, strong and smoking hot with radioation