Teletubbies Gone Bad

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Teletubbies Gone Bad

Original movie poster, showing the Tubbies armed and ready to fight!
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Produced by Uwe Boll
Written by Steven Spielberg
Starring Well, ya know, the Teletubbies!
Distributed by Universal
Release date(s) November 6, 2009 (premiere, Sweden)
Friday, November 13, 2009 (Europe, China, South Korea, Asia)
Friday, August 13, 2010 (English, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Telugu, Tamil, Turkish dubbed versions; showing in America, Spain and South America, Canada and France, Germany, Italy, Portugal and Brazil, Eastern and Western India, and Turkey)
August 27, 2010 (Malagasy dubbed version in Madagascar)
Running time 100 minutes
Country Sweden
Language Swedish
Budget $5.15 million


Teletubbies Gone Bad, also known as Teletubbies: The Movie and Teletubbies Go Ape-Shit Crazy, is an epic British horror-thriller film directed by Steven Spielberg and based on the hit show Teletubbies. Despite being British however, it will in fact be produced in Sweden, therefore being Swedish. It will be released on Friday, August 13, 2010 and revolves around the origins of the Teletubbies and what happened when they became evil zombies (as if they weren't evil enough). Production started in March 2008. It is believed that the Teletubbies were so ugly that their parents literally dumped them. It is thought that this will be the best movie ever made, after Plan 9 from Outer Space. It was written and directed by Steven Spielberg and produced by Uwe Boll. It is to be distributed by Universal in the US. However, don't worry if you miss the premiere! Universal will repeat it on the crappy British channel Dave until the end of time! So you can be safe in knowing that whilst you sit on your butt Universal will bring the entertainment straight to your greasy Dorito stuffed Belly button's eyes!

Plot

The Teletubbies turning evil

When a transistor blows in the Teletubbies' Mainframe, the Teletubbies become evil zombies and start to indulge in a killing spree to find custard. Now it is up to Noo-Noo to stop them with his life. The madness continues and the clock is ticking until the planets' nuclear facilities are activated by the Teletubbies' antenna. While they are at a mass murder spree, Laa-Laa is arrested for prostitution.

Characters

The Teletubbies muscle it up.
The Teletubbies looked like a bunch of losers before their plastic surgery.
The Teletubbies wearing their off-hour costumes, with swastiska symbols.

Tinky "Winky" Stuhldreher

Main article: Tinky Winky

Tinky Winky was the quarterback of the team. He is the leader of the gang and thinks up all their murderess scams. He led the nation in passing all four years that he started. He threw a record 135 career touchdowns, earning him a Purple Heart (later rescinded after discovering that he was not actually in Los Angeles for his alleged 5-touchdown performance against UCLA). Stuhldreher, a 5-7, 151-pounder from Massillon, Ohio, was a self-assured leader who not only could throw accurately but also returned punts and proved a solid blocker. He emerged as the starting signal caller four games into his sophomore season in 1922. He was often labeled cocky, feisty and ambitious, but his field generalship was unmatched. Purple was Stuhldreher's favorite colour and he wore purple shorts under his uniform for all 40 games he started. He often appeared in public with a cow-pattern bag filled with junk. This made the public suspect an alternative lifestyle, which led to him falling into a state of psychosis in which after he graduated he ran around aimlessly, often exclaiming "There's a frickin' baby in the sun!!!". During one game, Tinky Winky was suspended for yelling "I got a gun! I got a gun!" However, Winky claimed that he actually said "I gotta have fun." Stuhldreher was the head football coach for 11 years at Villanova, then became athletic director and football coach at Wisconsin. Winky died in 1965, at the age of 63, after overdosing on marshmallow peeps and then getting shot by Barney outside a women's underwear store.

Elmer "Dipsy" Layden

Dipsy, called "Tipsy" for how he made defenders feel after a crushing block, was the fullback who led the way on many option plays to touchdowns. Also known as Dipshit, he is a VERY, VERY, VERY retarded green alien who is a part of this evil organization. He fucks Laa-Laa with his antler! He also has killed the most when he was on the spree. The fastest of the quartet, he became the Irish defensive star with his timely interceptions and also handled the punting chores. The 6-foot, 162-pounder from Davenport, Iowa boasted 4-second speed in the 40-yard dash. He didn't carry the ball often, but rather preferred the violence of blocking. He critically injured a record 15 people against Syracuse (charges were dropped). Fond of rabbits, he often became distracted at practices when he began chasing rabbits that often infested the field randomly. Layden coached at his alma mater for seven years and compiled a 48-14-1 record. He also served as athletic director at Notre Dame. After a business career in Chicago, Layden died in 1973 at the age of 70 from a combination of stupidity and AIDS. It was later found out he contracted the disease from the friggen baby in the sun. Dipsy mysteriously disappered after being accused of murdering Tinky Winky.[1]

Jim "Laa-Laa" Crowley

Crowley, who came to Notre Dame in 1921 from Green Bay, Wisconsin, stood 5-11 and weighed 162 pounds. He is yellow, has a curly antenna, and is the coolest of the Teletubbies as well as a "Drama King". His favorite thing is a Wrestling Ring, which is almost as big as he is. Known as "Laa-Laa" for his tendency to hum spunky tunes in the huddle as well as his girliness, great singing abilities, and tendency to go into Laa-Laa land, Crowley outmaneuvered many a defender with her clever, shifty ballcarrying. He was the halfback who split time with Po. Oftentimes, all four horsemen were on the same field for the T-bone formation, but usually it was Crowley who got the call on these plays. Compiling 1,000 yards for all four seasons, Crowley was coveted by NFL teams for his speed and versatility. In a stunning move, though, Crowley jumped the NFL in favour for culinary school. He became a successful chef at Chez Chas, but after being caught in a torrid affair with Chas, he was shamed to become the cook at Al's Slop Bucket, a diner on the outskirts of Memphis, Tennessee. It was there that he created the "Tubbie Pancakes", which he named after his pals at Notre Dame. Crowley started as an assistant coach at Georgia. He quickly moved to head coaching positions at Michigan State and Fordham where his famed line, "The Seven Blocks of Granite", included Vince Lombardi. He is often thought to represent Caucasians because of him being the "whitest" and not treating Dipsy fairly. His Fordham teams played in the Cotton Bowl and Sugar Bowl. His overall record was 83-26. He later entered business in Scranton, Pa. He then runs out of money and is arrested for being a hooker. Tragically, Laa-Laa died in 1986 at the age of 83 from the friggin baby sun.

Don "Po" Miller

Po was called such because he was so kind that people said he was "practically half-pope". Somebody very clever then called him Po. Miller, a native of Defiance, Ohio, followed his three brothers to Notre Dame. At 5'11", 160 pounds, Miller proved to be the team's breakaway threat. Miller often caught passes out of the back-field, which made him ahead of his time (seeing that the forward pass was not yet legal). Referees did not care, however, because often they had money on the game in favor of Notre Dame. Unfortunately, right before the 1924 season he came down with a bad disease. He developed television-stomatitis - a condition which frequently causes large magnets to be deadly. Knowing this vital weakness, USC magnetised their stadium in Po's last game. Although Notre Dame still won, less than a week later, Po fell ill and slipped into a coma which lasted 7 days. Miller left coaching after four years at Georgia Tech and began practicing law in Cleveland. He was appointed U.S. District Attorney for Northern Ohio by President Franklin Roosevelt. Miller died in 1979 at the age of 77.

Noo-Noo

Noo Noo is the resident hoover in Teletubies and is responsible for cleaning up the custard that the Teletubies leave behind. By nature, Teletubies are very messy creatures and that's why they need a glorified autonomous hoover to follow them around all day. On another note, eating pink custard all day is aparently a good example for children. However, when the Teletubbies turn evil he must track them down and kill them, one by one, before it is too late and they steal all the custard. He is thought to be the "adult" of the show and like Spongebob of Spongebob Squarepants is thought to be asexual.

References

External links