Tentacles (film)

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  • From the guys who had nothing to do with JAWS
  • Get your paws, and say it's not JAWS!
Writer Charles Dickens, John Wayne, Chris Griffin
Producers Spike Milligan, John Cleese, Steve Smith, Chris Griffin
Director Spike Milligan
Runtime Eighty-two (82) minutes
Language English, Italian, Norwegian, French
Distributed by BBC, Paramount Pictures
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Tentacles is a 1977 comedy/thriller by British director and lunatic Spike Milligan, written by Charles Dickens, Chris Griffin, and John Wayne as a semi-erotic spoof of JAWS and SpongeBob SquarePants.


The movie opens in Ocean Beach, Florida (made to look like Centerville with a beach), where Police Chief Matt Brophy (Groucho Marx) has to put up with Mayor Ironfist (Jim Carrey), a drunk who is celebrating the completion of SeaWorld, which is due to be opened in three days time.

Down on the beach, however, bodies begin to wash up. They are all dead, their bodies apparently eaten. Brophy immediately closes off the beach, which means everybody else is now going to SeaWorld instead.

Whilst the Brophy family struggle to convince Mayor Ironfist of the danger, a sexy marine biologist named Dr. Toot Tittythighs (Lola Bunny) arrives to investigate. Along with the aid of professional assassin and fisherman Captain Ahab (Shadow the Hedgehog), Toot concludes that they are dealing with a giant octopus that is living off the coast of Ocean Beach, one that kills and eats people.

Once again, Mayor Ironfist is too stupid and too drunk to take any notice, even though several more people have died, and the local prostitute, Sexy Sue (Rouge the Bat), has been attacked by the octopus and killed. Ahab comes close to killing Ironfist, egged on by the audience, even with Roi (Steve Smith) and Troy (Chris Griffin), but he is stopped by Brophy and Toot, as the harpoon is too blunt.

Sexy Sue (Rouge the Bat) being sodomised by the octopus shortly before it ate her.

When SeaWorld opens for the first time, it suddenly comes under attack by the octopus, which kills and eats everybody in sight. With Ironfist at long last seeing sense, Ahab leads Toot and Brophy into SeaWorld to kill the octopus.

Once inside SeaWorld, Brophy discovers to his horror that his wife Mrs. Brophy (Lindsay Lohan) and his daughter, Spoiled Brat (Shirley Temple) are inside SeaWorld and are both sucking on the ballsack bby kidnapping Roi and Troy. More determined than ever, and also because there's still 20 minutes left of the movie, he urges Tittythighs and Ahab to take action.

Ahab, who has this weird thing against sea creatures, shoots the octopus with a harpoon gun. This successfully distracts it away from SeaWorld, allowing those inside to try and escape, but unfortunately means that he too, is on its menu. It captures him and it soon eats him.

Spotting some depth charges aboard Ahab's ship, Roi, Troy, Tittythighs, and Brophy manage to kill the octopus by blowing it up with the depth charges, although they accidentally destroy SeaWorld and kill all inside in the process.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tentacles (film).


The movie received mixed reviews, because they had been kept in a blender. Some defended Spike Milligan by calling the movie:

A triumph for the eco-thriller genre brought about by a brilliant surrealist

Others, however, thought it was too much like JAWS (they would, the talentless bastards), and called the movie:

A load of crap

But still, that didn't stop the movie making a total of $26,000,000 at the Box Office, did it? Well, didn't it?


Director Spike Milligan had once told interviewers on the BBC that he had once planned to use a giant octopus in one of his wartime propaganda films, Das Boot, but his plans were rejected.

I'd tried to tell them that something like a kraken killing and eating everybody, instead of British and German submarines knocking the shit out of one another, but they just weren't interested.

Together with writer Charles Dickens, Milligan was able to use the octopus scenario in a light JAWS spoof, and succeeded in recruiting Squidward Tentacles of SpongeBob SquarePants fame into the role of the octopus.

Further references to SpongeBob were made when filming the SeaWorld scenes. An easter egg for viewers is when Brophy discovers his wife and child inside SeaWorld; at the bottom of the screen are dolls of SpongeBob SquarePants and Sandy Cheeks made to look as if they are making out.

Full Cast[edit]

See Also[edit]

  • JAWS - A similar film