Terrence Trent D'Arby
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Terrence Severn Trent Water Torture D'Arby (also known as Sandra Waitrose) is a famous footballer from Northern Ireland who died of alchoholism is 1746, leaving 7 wives, 3,526 children (all by the same woman) and half a planet.
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[edit] Early Life
Terrence T'Rent Darby was born in 1907 to his sister and his uncle, both of whom came from other planets. Throughout Terrence's childhood, the large family (17 boys and 56 girls) all lived in one room. Every night, their father would beat them to sleep with his face. Then they would wake up, and he would be beat them to sleep with his face again. Then they would wake up and he would shout at them until he was blue in the face. Then he would faint, and they would all get up and dance around, which involved dancing around each other (or sometimes slightly to the side).
[edit] Teenage Years
When T'Errence Trend Arby was 14 he was fat, bald, small and big, and this caused much bullying by his classmates. By the age of 16, after many evenings spent lifting up furniture round his house to build up his muscles, Terrence fought back, killing half his school and also the people in it. He then fled the country, where he was captured by Iraqi terrorists and force-fed cheese. Due do a severe cheese allergy, this caused a severe reaction which cuased his face to swell to double its normal size. However, Terrence was able to use this to his advantage because then nobody recognised him. To find out what happened next, see Early Adulthood (below).
[edit] Early Adulthood
This was really just an extension of his Teenage Years. For more information see Teenage Years (above).
[edit] Music
In 1987, TTD released his debut album Introducing Hardcore According to Terence Severn Trent Water Torure D'Arby. Many consider this album to be the start of the Rave scene, and it contained many hit songs, including "If You Let Me Stay Round Your House I'll Cook Breakfast," "Wishing You Well On Your Next Trip," "Dance Like a Bellend," and "Sign Your Name On My Forehead".
[edit] Books
By the age of 23, many books had been written about TTD, many of which he wrote himself in his basement with a fountain pen. Eventually, when the fountain pen ran out, he ate all the remaining paper, and escaped out the window.
[edit] Nudity Incident
During a press conference for his 1995 album Dildo, TTD apparently "lost his marbles" and stripped completely naked, running amok through a supermarket, and eventually settling in the frozen foods section until the Police arrested him, shivering and muttering the words, "I can't get off the carousel, I can't get off the carousel, I can't get off the carousel, I can't get off this world."
[edit] Gender Reassignment
[edit] 2004 to Present
These days, Sandra now lives with her partner Susan in a cottage in Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK, where they have three dogs, five cats, and a pet goat called Timothy.
