Thai

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File:Snaketiecomic.jpg A Thai, commonly misspelt as tie, is a rope that is around the necks of people who like to wear casual clothes. It's a gesture of politeness, so as to show "If I behave like an asshole, pull it and I'll die". First worn by Nikola Tesla in 1929, it became popular with bankers during the stockmarket crash, as it was a convenient way to hang themselves. For the same reason, it is removed from prisoners so that it can be handed back if they tell the officers where the loot is and promise to Do the Right Thing.

In one country in the world, Thailand, everyone - men, women, and children - wears a thai. The most common greeting in the Thai language is: Those who are about to die, greet thai, referring to the rope around their necks.

Politicians' Thai's[edit]

Desperately lonely.

All male politicians wear thai's, normally with no stripes or only one. A stripe down from the left means they are available (but the reverse in Russia, so be careful). The desperately lonely wear thai's with many stripes. Some female politicians wear hentai's.

The Danger of Rogue Thai's[edit]

A midget teacher shows a student how to tie a thai.

Some believe that all thai's make wonderful gifts and are the perfect present for any man with a neck. However, the rogue thai is the most dangerous article of clothing, rivaling twisted underpants. The rogue thai wraps itself around the poor defenseless neck. It then injects the innocent man's (or cross-dressing whore's) neck with a polyester based neurotoxin, causing itchiness, breathing problems, and an overwhelming desire to wear paisley. As the toxin progresses through the body, the victim of the cheap, polyester based thai will submit to the man.

Silk based thais, however, are a whole 'nother ball game, as it were. The thai, being made of silk, is very slippery and can wriggle out of almost any person's grip, hanging a person by itself instead of merely making them wish they could. However, many are willing to take the risk since the silk-based thai is much more comfortable when worn around the neck and is not as itchy as its polyester counterparts.

Safety Thai's[edit]

For those too clumsy and/or uncoordinated to safely wear a thai (the accident prone who can hurt themselves in a sand box) the safety thai was made. This thai, commonly referred to as a clip-on thai, does not go around the neck and will easily release the wearer if it is pulled or gets caught on something. Besides those seriously needing safety thai's (such as policemen, bouncers and television interviewers), only sissies and wimps and possibly cross-dressers wear safety thai's.

How to Use[edit]

Tie a noose in the thai (if you are in a hurry just use a slipknot), lower over head until it rests on shoulders, tuck thai under collar and tighten until snug. There are many acceptable knots that may be used with a thai, check with a boy scout or buy the "Thai's for Dummies" book.

Alternative Uses[edit]

Thai's can be used to gag people, tie people up, tie people to the bed, replace an engine belt, bandage wounds, leash the dog, pull a water-skier behind a boat, make a funky bandana, make a snare for Godzilla, make an emergency repair to a parachute harness, fix a leaky showerhead, soak up fluids (water, blood, coffee, oil, etc.) better than a sham-wow, repair a tennis racket, be placed on a bedroom door for privacy, control one's kangaroo, make a bow (for use with an arrow or for fire starting), as a book mark - the uses are nearly limitless. Thai's are the Swiss army knife of clothing. They can be worn traditionally around the neck, used as a belt, carefully arranged and knotted to make a bikini or jockstrap, wrapped around the head (if pointy) to make a turban, etc.

Cooking Thai[edit]

Pad Thai is a popular noodle dish in Thailand, flavoured with mouse droppings. The noodles are of course shaped like little nooses (and of course bowthai pasta is shaped like a bowtie).

See also[edit]

Hentai
War of the Houses
Star Wars
Bowtie
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Commonly misspelt as tie, is a rope that is around the necks of people who like to wear casual clothes.