# That guy from the Canadian Tire commercials

 This article needs liposuction! This poor old lady is not in her better shape, but we wish we could trust your swift hands to bring her back to her former glory.We mean rewrite it!

## Stats

• 70 HP
• With his "beard" and "mustache", he can annoy anyone as he pleases
• Motomaster/Mastercraft Elements
• Deals between 40 and 110 damage, but somehow always proves to be fatal
• With his "Sell-out to Canadian Tire" move, he shamelessly promotes their company, for nothing but material gain. This deals 40 damage to most sane people, and is especially useful against the particularly sane.
• With his "Annoy Hapless Neighbour" move, he walks up to you and tells you your tools suck, while his are much better, seeing as they're from Canadian Tire and all.
• His enemies include the Man from Glad, the ING Bank guy, the Hand in Your Pocket guy, the Drugs Drugs Drugs* gang, and Hal Johnson & Joanne McLeod
• He has been revived in recent Kokanee Beer commercials.

## Things you aren't allowed to do with/to the Canadian Tire Guy

As a general rule, no-one is allowed to like that guy from the Canadian Tire commercials (AKA Canadian Tire Guy).

This is because of the following simple equation:

${\displaystyle U+L=U+R}$

In this equation, U represents you, L represents Liking the Canadian Tire Guy, and R represents being Riddled by bullets. As you can see, liking the Canadian Tire Guy is the exact same thing as being Riddled by bullets. So don't you even think of liking him at all!!

## Things you are allowed to do with/to the Canadian Tire Guy

You are always allowed to attack him, with any weapon, even ones that don't exist.

You may also give him a firm beating, choke the life out of him, throttle his head with a paint shaker, staple his lips to the back of his head, or just call him really mean names (he especially hates being called an emo kid, as it sends him into a mental relapse.)