That time I nearly ran out of loaves and fishes during my sojourn in Bethsaida

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I had to feed five thousand people with this shit.

Dude, that fucking crowd was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was[edit]

stepping off my fucking boat, doing my Christ thing with the walking on the water and the feeding of the hungry, right? Like, Messiah food bank shit.

So I step into Bethsaida and there's like five thousand fucking people yelling "Oh feed us, oh Lord!"

So I pull out my backpack and I see I brought like five fucking loaves of bread and two fucking fish, and I think to myself, I did not plan this very well.

and these fucking people[edit]

are all over the fucking place, like "Oh, savior, we're so hungry!" And I say "Ummm okay hold on, blessed be the patient or some shit."

So I turn to my friend Farm Boy and I say "Dude, you gotta go run and get some more food for these skinny fucks."

And Farm Boy says "I don't think anything's open, man."

Worthless bitch.

so I pulled out my[edit]

backpack again and broke one of the loaves in half, and all of a sudden there were loaves and fishes fucking everywhere. It was like a fucking loaf and fish convention for lonely loaves to hook up with hot fishes.

So I yelled "Loaves and fishes for all!" and I sat on a rock so all the sluts could wash my feet with their hair while they chomped down on loaves and fishes.

I fucking rule.

And then everything was awesome[edit]

Until these fucking assholes nailed me to a god damn cross.

See also[edit]