That time I was nearly raped by Ham after my sojourn through the deluge

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It looked kinda like this, only fucking psycho.

Verily, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was[edit]

tabernacling in the fucking wilderness, doing my Noah thing with the postdiluvian shit and two of every animal, right? Like, biblical badass shit.

and my fucking youngest son Ham[edit]

bursteth out of the tent, musketh all over the place, and instead of going for the sheep, he looketh upon my nakedness.

so I pulled out my[edit]

staff and curse the shit out of him and his descendants to be the slaves of Shem and Japeth, and he tryeth to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. He nearly raped me.

See Also[edit]