The 'Beetis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

"The 'Beetis" is an advanced form of Diabetes, originally thought to have originated in 1791 around Northern England and transfered via toxic smug emissions or through infectious "'Beetis Birds" (usually pigeons).

This could be the beetis bird ... but it isn't, it's supposedly a "Pokemon."

Common Facts[edit]

the movie is due out in June

The Beetis is the only known cause of diabetes
The beetis is transported through an animal known as The Beetis Bird
The beetis bird has only been seen a handful of times due to the fact that if you make eye contact with it you will have red hot molten beetis splashed all over you and you will die within milliseconds
The only known person to ever have survived an attack by the Beetis bird is Wilford Brimley
After this alleged attack he started worshipping quaker oatmeal and small small ponies


The Beetis is believed to have started in 1974 during the disco era(Lajoie is a degenerate)
At a popular disco dance club there was a man who danced like a bird due to the fact he was raised by peacocks in eastern russia
This dance craze however caught on and everyone was doing the bird dance
When the russian raised peacock man was asked what the name of his dance was called he replied "The Beetis"
In the moments preceeding he coughed up liquid molten vomit all over everyone in the dance club
His vomit was infected with Diabetes (the downside of being raised by peacocks) and everyone in the club died minutes later
The only survivor of this attack was a small small bird sitting in the corner of the room
Upon contact with the Beetis it grew to be sixteen feet tall with razor sharp horns on its back and grew a taste for spitting hot molten beetis on everyone it sees
That thing grew up to be what is known today as the Beetis bird.


what happens when you fuck with the Beetis

The beetis symptoms include:

  • Agreement with Communism
  • colorful underwear
  • violent violent fits of rage
  • admiration of oatmeal
  • Wilford Brimley will call your house
  • spider senses
  • giraffe senses
  • woman senses
  • hot molten splenda will emerge itself from your beetis wound


  • The only known cure for the Beetis was discovered by Benjamn franklin during his discovery of electricity experiment.
  • Benny boy was infected with a strain of disease similar yet different to the Beetis(The Vaginal Knickerbocker plague of the 1700s)
  • During his experiment most historains will tell you that he had a kite that was struck by lightning with a key attatched at the bottom
    What actually happened was he had recently shit blood due to his disease and decided he needed some fresh air so he gathered a sack of baby arms and a kite and took it outside
    He went outside and secured the baby arm to the bottom of the kite so the kite would not fly away
    i forgot to mention benjamin franklin was a level 9 sex offender
    due to this he was outside completely nude covered in starbucks coffee
    about ten minutes into the historic flight , mt st helens erupted covering him in volcanic ash
    When he was pulled from the ash his disease was cured and yet his penis was shriveled.
    in conclusion if you have the beetis in order to be cured... you must become benjamin franklin.

Common uses in Popular Culture[edit]

Programming language:

this is a snipit of code used by beetis infected programmers:


  • Mariah Carey Baptised her baby in red hot beetis due to the fact its nose was on the other side of its head
  • Anthony Green,before every show, covers his entire body in red hot beetis, hence making his voice beautiful

Attack Methods of the Beetis bird[edit]

police reports claim that he later blamed everything on the combined efforts of the Beetis Bird and the Wal-Mart corperation

the beetis bird sneaks up on its victims very slowly while holding a cup of beetis in a starbucks coffee cup.
that is his method of madness
He waits until you are staring at your watch then he pours his red hot molten Beetis all over you which immediately penetrates your skin and makes you the equivalent of a retarted 5 year old the rest of your life.

MOst peole who get the beetis end up killing themselves because they lose control of theres legs and cant stop running.