The Alien Wars

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History[edit]

The Alien Wars is a period in American history from 1965 to 1973. Pope Eneo Silvio Piccolomini and his younger brother Enema Silvio fought against the forces of Red Falcon, infamous Communist dictator and suspect in many a crime against humanity, making many historians consider this to be the most important war on Communism that will ever be fought. The start of the war can be viewed in the documentary Independence Day, narrated by Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. The true story of this conflict has been recorded in the Edutainment title Contra III: The Alien Wars for the SNES.

Methods of Freedom[edit]

Using only primitive weapons like lasers and homing missiles, Eneo and his brother ran consistently to the right to help bring democracy to the world, although sometimes they rode hoverbikes to the right and even once or twice jumped upwards continuously before running to the right once more, all in the name of freedom.

Commie Tactics[edit]

The mainstay of Red Falcon's battleplans was to counter Eneo and Enema's strategy of continuously running to the right by sending out FalCong troops who continuously ran to the left. However, in typical dirty Commie guerrilla tactics, Red Falcon would sometimes have his troops run to the right as well, in order to backstab the brave Eneo and Enema, causing many an untimely death and a tumultuous amount of "if you press that button and take ANOTHER life away from me, I'm going to murder you".

Use of Nuclear Weapons[edit]

Many Alien Wars vets have been accused of the reckless use of Nuclear Arms by worthless hippies, claiming that many an innocent life could've been spared if only Eneo and Enema had not nuked first, asked questions later. While a somewhat valid argument (even though it comes from worthless hippies), many experts, who paid good money for degrees which makes them right and you wrong, say that Eneo and Enema only used Nuclear Arms when they had no other option, they were on the verge of getting a 1-up, or they felt like it.

Outcome of the War[edit]

Overall, the Alien Wars was a completely successful war, with a minimum of American casualties, no war crimes, and no civilian casualties, and which halted Communism in its tracks. Such prominent Americans as George W. Bush and John Kerry, who participated in the war as much as humanly possible, have hailed it as the greatest victory against the relentless Iron Curtain since the Super C incident.

Related Uncyclopedia Articles[edit]

The first war against Communism

The Great Enemy

THE ENEMY'S BELIEFS

What worthless hippies want you to believe really happened

Outside Links[edit]

Maddox's Historical Documentation