Why?:The Anarchist Cookbook
So, today is the day of your very first Anarchists of America meeting, and you read on their website that "The way to an anarchist's heart is through his or her stomach". Since you've memorized the handouts that our recruiter gave you, you know that as a new member of the tightly knit anarchist hierarchy it falls to you to bring along some tasty treats.
But what do anarchists eat? Look no further, young revolter, for contained within the gilt-edged pages of this hefty tome are listed in rigid alphabetical order all of the snackable treats that your new insurrectionist friends enjoy. Until you rise up in the ranks you will cook these yummy delights, time and time again.
There are a number of very simple recipes that every Anarchist should know, whether they are just cooking for themselves or for a large group of their brothers-in-arms. These recipes are all presented here, in one book, for the first time.
The Magic of Match Heads
For many years the match head has been one of the most popular ingredients in the repertoire of the master anarchist chef, whether they are for making bombs, lighting cigarettes, or burning down the government offices of the ruling elite. This staple of every radical's destructive diet is also one of the most potently flavour-filled substances on earth, and has been used in meals during lulls in violent protests for generations of anarchists. If your parents are anarchists then the chances are excellent that you have been served some of these dishes before. Perhaps, at the time, you were unaware that many of your childhood meals contained match heads. Possibly you thought that the tiny explosive pellets that filled your parent's pantry were rice. This is probably the reason that you got a quick smack for ducking in there for a smoke after breakfast.
Match Head Soup
- 40 Match heads
- 1 handful of a mixture of chopped carrots, potatoes, and Brussels sprouts.
- 2 packages of purple Kool-Aid
- 1 pot of water
1. Dump everything except the match heads into the pot of water, and stir.
2. Place each match head into the broth, one by one, and make sure none of them explode.
3. Chill for a minute.
Match Head Salad
1. Cut out that stuff inside of the banana peels, and then throw out the rest of the bananas.
2. Throw everything into the dish.
As we both know, potassium nitrate is present in just about every anarchist's "bag of tricks". In fact, if you don't have any right now, you've probably just bought a kilo and its on the way from eBay as you read this. You basically put saltpeter in anything and it becomes more explosive, and what is more important than explosive taste?
- 1 banana
- 1 large coffee
- 1 strainer
1. Chop the banana into tiny pieces.
2. Place banana in coffee.
4. Separate the coffee from the banana from the saltpeter, which you have just created.
Smoke Bomb Surprise
- 2 litres of sugar
- 3 litres of saltpeter
- (see the "Banana Coffee" recipe for instructions on crafting your own saltpeter, or consult eBay)
- 1 pan
1. Stir the sugar and the saltpeter together.
2. Pour powder into the pan.
3. Heat until the mixture is a deep orange.
4. Continue heating.
5. Enjoy the sweet scent of smoke and molten sugar.
These recipes have all been cooked up in the personal kitchen of me, William Powell. They all have my seal of approval on them. As with the recipes above, these should be simple, tasty, and effective.
- 3 tablespoons all purpose flour
- 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1 1/2 cups milk
- 12 oz bittersweet baking chocolate, coarsely chopped
- 1/2 cup brewed strong coffee
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 5 egg yolks
- 7 egg whites
- Confectioner's sugar
1. Preheat oven to 375ºF.
2. Get all the ingredients together and prepare the coffee, make sure the chocolate is chopped.
3. Melt butter in a sauce pot over low heat, whisk in flour and milk and cook until it thickens. Stir in chocolate and stir constantly until it's melted. Remove from heat and add coffee, vanilla, and half the sugar. One at a time, add the egg yolks while whisking constantly.
4. Butter a 2-2 1/2 quart soufflé or baking dish.
5. In a perfectly clean and dry bowl , whisk the egg whites to soft peaks and gradually whisk in the remaining sugar and continue to whisk until the peaks stiffen. Gently fold the egg whites into the soufflé base and pour into the prepared baking dish.
6. Bake for 35 - 40 minutes until the soufflé rises 2 inches above soufflé dish. Dust with confectioner's sugar and serve immediately because the soufflé will deflate in less than two minutes.
Serve as a dessert after the main course with a plate of strawberries and a chocolate fondue or on a "brick through the window."