The Apollo 11 Terrorist Attacks
“Let's roll in the hay”
The Apollo 11 Terrorist Attacks were a series of coordinated rocket ship hijackings, which resulted in two Saturn Vs slamming into the side of the Moon. A third rocket was stolen, but compromised in reaching its target. Jim Lovell could be heard, via radio, remarking to his accomplice Huston, "We have a problem!"
The attacks were perpetrated by such wanted outlaws as Edwin "Buzz Lightyear" Aldrin, Dr. "Phil" Collins, Jim Lovell, Huston Texas and commanded by Neil "Not Really" Armstrong. Each of which had their roots in an organization known as NASA: the National Alliance of Space Aliens who storm the galaxy in giant halos, like the video game, Halo. To conceal who they were, they used the name Al Qaeda as a cover. Al Qaeda (meaning all American) was a tour agency that champions American architect by offering plane tours near and around famous U.S. skyscrapers and other landmarks.
Mooninites: The Reason Behind The Attack?
Wernher von Braun, who was responsible for building a flying saucer which allowed Adolf Hitler to escape to the Moon, was chastised by the Führer when he failed to exterminate the Mooninites, which taunted him. It was thus that Chuck Norris was hired to finish them off. but before he could round house kick them back to their binary codes, the scandal was revealed.
The group known only as PETPA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Pixelated Animals, rescued the Mooninites, who were then adopted by Ted Turner. There, they served in a special branch of the K9 unit, known only as the ATHF, or the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. During this period in time, the Mooninites resided in Toontown, but were deported to Pluto, after they killed a producer and framed Roger Rabbit.
The Mooninites took much pride in having their own independent planet, instead of being Earth's bitch. But in mid-summer 2006, when Pluto was demoted from being a planet, they were disillusioned by the fact that they no longer had any identity. Realizing that Hitler was the catalyst for all their troubles, they decided to have him assassinated.
The moonites realized a problem they had. Hitler's forces were too enormous and retaliation would be as ugly as Michael Jackson's face. So instead, they decided to start a war between Earth and the Moon, which would result in Hitler's ultimate destruction. NASA had already been in town, to combat Sputnik, which is the communist version of Santa Claus. When asked, they agreed to lend a few kamakazee space men to get the job done.
Look up at the top you idiot!
The Third Rocket Ship
What happened to the third rocket ship is up for debate, but officials do have theories.
- The Janet Reno Theory: The theory that Janet Reno confused the space ship as a dildo.
- The Bill Gates Theory: Same as the top theory (since they are proven to be the same person)
- The Sock Theory: The possibility that all the missing socks in the universe randomly appeared on the ship, clogging up the system.
- The Snakes On A Plane Theory: The possibility that Samuel Jackson hasn't gotten a clue yet.
- The Tom Hanks Theory: The idea that Jim Lovell is spontaneously transformed into Tom Hanks, who plays him in Apollo 13. Since he's an actor it's not in the contract to operate the space vehicle. Thus they crash.
- The American Idol Theory: A chance that Simon Cowell chewed the ship up.
- The Other Theory: A possibility that nobody really gives a shit.
Impact Of The Impacts
As a result of the Apollo 11 terrorist attacks, President George Bush declared war on Mars, even though Mars had nothing to do with it. He was convinced that there the tripods, as told by Orson Welles, the greatest scientist of all time, would be found. But they were not there. Civil strife erupted when the holly face on Mars was blown up.
The attack on the Moon caused it to shift slightly off balance, thereby disrupting the currents of the oceans. This resulted in a mass suicide of whales, upon beaching themselves. The stench was so pungent that it forced people in many towns to turn their fans on blast. The great demand thus on electricity forced the power plants to work full steam. But as a repercussion, our course towards Global Warming was sped up at an exponential rate. In a few short years, all the polar bears went extinct. But nobody really cared.
In more recent events, the Moonites led a peaceful protest in the city of Boston. But because their show bombed, they were confused as being explosive. "Don't give me that crap! I know they're bombs!" said Dick Cheney before he went back to hunting quails.