The Battle of Trafalgar
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The Naval Battle of Trafalgar was fought in 1805 A.D. The war was fought at sea (and not at Trafalgar Square, as some morons still write in their college entrance exam papers) The battle is touted as a game of Chess played on waters.
Despite the above aforementioned factual myth, there is still not a single Video Game in the market on this famous Naval fistfight. In fact when you can have a brutal $10000 Graphic Card requiring game about a stupid war which occured only in the gory dreams of a pre-nursery infant sleeping through Grandma's boring bedtime stories... not a single animation slide is ever related to this piece of important historical event. The issue still holds a potential to generate a mass strike.
[edit] The Battle Scene
Phase I
The war was fought between The English and French Fleets. It kicked off with a ramp parade of all the male attendants on the ships, followed by the female attendants. To impart fair and just decisions, French judges were appointed, who immediately rewarded the victory to England. To the horror of French, it was later learnt that for the first time judges had seen "new and fresh" pieces of beauty outside Paris. The secret was that, English ladies remained more covered in cloths than French beauties, and thus had more white, glowing and untanned skin, once they actually stripped down for the swimming costume round.
[edit] Phase II
Second phase saw fire-fighting with cannons shelling heavily from both sides. The atmosphere was so charged that the Englishmen started to join their guns, by farting in the direction of French. Weather too helped, as Westerlies blowing at that time, didnt miss even a milligram of Royal fart-fragrance while breezing it evenly over the French Fleets.
This resulted in huge casualties, as few frenchmen were supposed to have died on the spot after inhaling noxious stale-bread, stale-egg fumes, rendered more fatal by coming out of pee-soaked underwears of the english seamen.
French Side lead by Admiral Villeneuve (adoringly called Admiral V. (pron. as in Wee)) however recuperated quickly by using the bras of lady attendants as gas masks.
At one stage, British guns lost direction and started firing off range. At this moment Admiral V. standing on the hull of his ship shouted a historically sarcastic comment on his megaphone. The comment that was supposed to change the entire course of war. It said...
"Those bloody idiotic Blue Trunk, Purple Tight, Yellow Caped morons think themselves as Royal Force? They cant even smell the 40 yr old socks of French Admiral Villeneuve standing on the Hull of Ship Redoubtable. Elevation 28 deg. to the North of Hollywood C.A. 138 deg lattitude."
The next shell is supposed to have hit the floor between V.'s legs. For the rest course of war, Admiral V. is supposed to have retired under a pile of quilt, shaking like a vibrator switched on.
[edit] Death of Admiral Knellson
This tale of the death of a martyr of a great nation, is still mourned by the late night harlots, who are told to fake cries at their orgasms.
Admiral Knellson conducted the war with utmost professionalism, until he stepped upon a bottle of Vodka labelled The Red Tonic. He gulped the whole bottle, neat. After that he insisted that his horse be bought onto the deck. Inspired by his patron Duke of Wellington, the T-Shirt Monarch, Knellson came near the cannons, mounted on his horse and ordered a directed barrage on the French fleets, sword blazing in his right hand. After the cannons had fired their shots and were reloading for the second, Knellson Cried out "Infantry CHARGE..." nudged his horse and leapt from the deck right into the ocean.(Official sources maintain till date, that the horse never jumped into the water. Although it galloped towards the ocean with full speed, yet managed to apply brakes, while a charged Knellson was thrown off right into the waters, head first.)
Once inside the water, still under the influence of The Red Tonic, he was attacked by a Jelly Fish. Even in the state of high inebriation, Knellson used his quick judgemental skills and grabbed an eel fish passing by, used it as a sword to fend off the Jelly Fish attack. First he recieved a double shock. At that stage, he grabbed the tail of a salt-water alligator and tried to whip the shark coming at him. As a true fighter, he died fighting for his country. He died of multiple wounds, but not a scar was noted on the purple trunks he wore, presented to him by The Queen, an honour which Knellson supposedly died protecting. His body rendered as a bloody ketchup mess was brought to surface by Royal Alligator Unit, who were still warding off sharks.
Knellson was posthumously given Medal of Honor: Final Assault CD Game Pack, placed inside his tomb.
