The Boy Who Chose the Girl Over the Sun

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The sun screams in horror.

“Fucking moron.”

~ Some guy on the boy who chose the girl over the sun

“Aw, HELL naw!”

~ Will Smith on the boy who chose the girl over the sun

“Then the day is MINE!”

~ Death on Sean Connery impressions

“What a moron! He should have chosen the Sun!”

~ Gay guy on The boy who chose the girl over the sun

“Whether he brought the apocalypse on us a little early or not is irrelevant, I'd still smash that ass.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the boy

“No! My science fair project is ruined!”

~ God on the boy who chose the girl over the sun

Long has uneducated preteen/teenage boys and musicians who cater to those little men have stated that if given a choice between the girl and the sun, they'd be "one nocturnal son of a gun". Little did these people realize what would happen once one of these punks were presented that choice.

The Choice[edit]

It was May 2nd, 2013. Eleven year old Johnny Dipshit (aka, "the boy who chose the girl over the sun" or simply "that one asshole who doomed us all") was wasn't getting any. Poor little Johnny said, "I would give up the sun so that Katie S would touch my penis." He had to say 'S' because there were 2 Katies in his grade level and he didn't want to get the wrong one. Then this guy popped out of nowhere and granted his wish. Then, *POOF*. No more sun, and Katie magically appeared near Johnny with her right hand down his pants. Here's an artist's poor painting of how it all went down:

a diagram of how it all went down.

The Aftermath[edit]


First, due to the shock of having her hand touching Johnny's pee-pee, there was a lot of screaming.

Anyway, as there was no sun (thus the Earth no longer had to follow it’s orbit), the Earth rebelled. Earth mooned the other planets in what used to be the Milky Way and went on to do things his way. But poor naïve Earth didn’t know how to navigate the universe and ended up crashing into a wall.

As for the earthlings, their final days consisted of the following activities. The higher on the list, the more popular it was.

Satan then agreed to build a new sun in exchange for the souls of everyone on the planet, thus avoiding paradox...or did he? He demanded that everyone in the world sign the contract, and by the time the first billion had, everyone had already died of lack of oxygen, thus rendering said contract null and void.