The Breakfast Club

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Wreckless Love?
Bouncywikilogo2.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Breakfast Club.

“I have booze for breakfast”

~ Tamia

The Breakfast Club Was formed out of a Prep,a Nerd,a Badass,an Emo kid,and a Jock.The Breakfast Club originated in the mid 1980's when a bunch of Highschool Reagan protesters got detention together after the Nerd was caught with a "Gat" in his locker.They then settled their differences when they were put on "Death Row" and decided that they would move to Canada and migrate through the Bering Strait into the U.S.S.R and over into Finland where they would burn the churches of Satan and then into Germany where they would drink their beer.They then deciced to face their fears and join Death Row with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre. But suprisingly Reagan wasn't the Antichrist as many believed and didn't kill the Americans.

They were so popular back home in America! They were honoured by King George III and started the Official Breakfast Club of The United Kingdoms of New Europe(Shortened to The Breakfast Club after 2006) !

Membership[edit]

All Members must be 14-19 years old. Born in Africa. They must sign a royal doctrine that must be approved by King George III. Then they must attend the "Grande Ball of Florida" ,there they will be judged by Flava Flav.If you are accepted in to Breakfast Club you will then be placed into a house


The Four Royal Houses:[edit]

  • 1st House-Kellogs-"The Pimp"
  • 2nd House-General Mills-"The Nobles"
  • 3rd House-The Titans-"The Church Officials"
  • 4th House-The Asexuals

The Military[edit]

A.K.A Club's Armed & Forced were proudly established in 1986 by General Mills II. Any Asexual male between the ages of 16-19 could join. The Club's Armed & Forced now is stronger than the Canadian Military and are charging a tax rate of 49% income for all members in the 4th House, and 2% income for the rest.

Club Anthem[edit]

see: YMCA



Members[edit]

The Breakfast Club's most recent members. From left to right: Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, Trix Rabbit, Lucky the Leprechaun, and Cap'n Crunch.

The members of The Breakfast Club are Josh the Jock, Bryan the Nerd, Johnny the Black Man, Candy the School Slut, Sarah the Lamp, George the Bush, Oscar the Wilde, and Sonic the Hedgehog. The Breakfast Club Senate and Commitee also put up a chart of all the presidents since it's creation, each president is allowed four years (and possibly more if they get held back.)

Presidents[edit]

  • 1985 - 1986 - Judd Nelson
    Ex-president Judd Nelson
  • 1986 - 1988 - D.J. Tanner
  • 1988 - Brooke Shields (impeached after the committee realised that she wasn't in High School and that Calvin Klein commercial was forgotten about by now)
  • 1988 - Mike Murphy (Briefly took over for a few days because Brooke Shields kept taking the empty chair)
  • 1988 - 2001 - Daria
  • 1997 - 2005 - Amanda Bynes
  • 2006 - SpongeBob SquarePants (impeached once again because people started calling the club “queer”)
  • 2006 - 2008 - Jerri Blank
  • 2008 - last week - Chris Crocker (first gay president that actually thought people cared)
  • 2008 - present - Pope John Paul Jones I

The French[edit]

The French, were excluded from the Club's Armed & Forced (CAF) in 1987 by General Mills II. Unlike the Asexual tribals, the French were banned from the Breakfast Club in 1997 by president Daria everyone else rejoiced and asked "Why didn't I think of that?." This idea was considered "too good" and many of the people voted to let Daria become an Absolute Monarch. However, the Council of Elders voted against this and the people lost the vote.

by 2002, no one really cared though.

The Metal Heads[edit]

The Metal Heads of 1988 were banned for trying to convert the entire club to their Pagan beliefs after the fall of the Gay Los Angeles Metal (GLAM) Empire.

The Metal Head members of 1988 attempted and failed miserably, to keep Heavy Metal on MTV after the African Invasion of the 1990's, following the British Invasion of the 1960's, through the program Headbangers Ball.

Benefits of The Breakfast Club[edit]

  • Marijuana is half price
  • You have somewhere to sit for lunch
  • You get college credit
  • You can pick on new members when they come
  • You can complain about how your parents don't understand you
  • You are permitted to run in the halls
  • 80s music playing
  • The Color Purple on VHS.

Things that suck about The Breakfast Club[edit]

  • The vending machines only serve New Coke
  • No hats are allowed
  • The graffiti from people writing on how gay all the members are is in a very ugly colour.
  • Saturday detention
  • 80s music playing (especially that crap called Simple Minds)
  • No Lunch
  • You MAY grrow sexy benderish hair

Controversy[edit]

During the early years, The Breakfast Club was criticized for some of the members smoking lethal marijuana and that the Then-President Judd Nelson was not doing anything about it. In fact, it is most likely that Judd Nelson introduced brain-killing marijuana to the club. In fact, Allison the Laxative-case (an ex-member, committed suicide in 1986) suggested kitten huffing instead of flesh-melting marijuana Of course, Allison was crazy and nobody listened to her.


Timeline[edit]

1985[edit]

  • Judd Nelson, Anthony "Michelle" Hall, Molly Ringo, Emilio (The Flame) Estévez, and Ally Sheede get sentenced to "Death Row Records" for protesting against Reagan.
  • They flee through Canadia and through the Soviet Union.
  • They burn Finland's Satanic Churches. Thousands injured.
  • They drink Germany's beer. Thousands die.
  • They destroy the French. Nobody cares.
  • They return and get honored by King George the Bush. Judd Nelson becomes the first president.

1986[edit]

  • Judd Nelson is assasinated, Reagan laughs and spreads his wings.
  • Tommy Vercitti plans to destroy Florida's home base located in Vice City.
  • D.J. Tanner is elected president by the French. The world is in shock.
  • In an attempt to ruin the Club's popularity, Osama Bin Ladan plants the virus known as the "Brain" in the computers.
  • U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs the Goldwater-Nichols Act into law, making official the largest reorganization of the "United" States Department of Defense since the Air Force was made a separate branch of service in 1947. Satan's plan has begun.

1987[edit]

  • U.S. President Ronald Reagan undergoes prostate surgery. The world grows patient.
  • The first appearance of The Simpsons since the fall of Rome. The Breakfast club rejoices.
  • Russia aims 25 Nukes to the Breakfast Club Headquarters
  • The Reverend Jesse Jackson launches his second campaign for U.S. President

1988, The Year of the Rabbi[edit]

  • Reagan isn't the Antichrist, everything was a lie, the Club almost falls into turmoil.
  • Satan almost gives up, but 13 years later...
  • The Netherlands defeats the Soviet Union 2–0 to win The Super Bowl.
  • Philip Morris buys 13.1 billion dollars worth of Kraft Foods for the Club in case of severe famine.
  • D.J. Tanner leaves office to go back to her family in San Francisco. The Club sees hope for the first time.
  • Full House airs, everyone asks God "Why"


1989[edit]

  • severe famine. Thousands dead, several injured.
  • Venezuela is rocked by Queen. There is a wave of protests and looting.
  • France celebrates the 200th anniversary of the time Russia kicked Napoleon Bonaparte's ass.
  • U.S. President George H. W. Bush holds up a bag of cocaine purchased across the street at Lafayette Park in his first televised speech to the nation.
  • Daria elected as club president.


1990[edit]

  • The Cold War ends. The world is estatic. Everyone forgets the next day.
  • Cherry Pie is allowed into The Breakfast Club for the first time.

1991[edit]

Satan's daughter was born in a small country town in Australia

1992[edit]

  • Windows 3.1 released; only the French care.
  • Kentuckistan celebrates its bicentennial.
  • Abkhazia declares independence from Georgia and becomes Alabama.
  • The Church of Satan votes to allow women to become priests; the outcome surprises Finland
  • Dre Day is celebrated by the Breakfast Club.

1993-1997[edit]

  • Clinton is elected president of America.
  • The Breakfast Club endures great change with President Daria.
  • Australia sends spies into the Breakfast Club Headquarters.
  • The mythical continent of Africa is discovered to be real.
  • Hell breaks loose in the Ghetto.
  • The last surviving founder of The Breakfast Club dies while watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air the show is cancelled and Will Smith is never to be heard from again.


1997-1999[edit]

  • The Club prepares for Y2K; Satan and Reagan see a chance for their dream to come true.
  • The world is in turmoil preparing for Y2K.
  • SpongeBob airs; This only makes matters worse.
  • The spies from Australia flee the headquarters after they are caught stealing the New Coke.


New Years Eve; 1999[edit]

  • The world waits.

2000-2005[edit]

  • Being gay becomes popular for the 29th time in world hisory; the club population triples.

2005-2006[edit]

  • Nothing great happens outside France.

2007[edit]

  • Being gay is once more unpopular.

2008-Present[edit]

  • Chris Crocker is the first gay president that thinks people care if he's gay or not. They don't.
  • Crocker leaves the presidency after a week in office after pleads from club members to leave.
  • Pope John Paul Jones is elected president.

See Also[edit]