The Buttercream Gang

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The Buttercream Gang is a 1992 blockbuster documentary produced by Jerry Falwell about a small midwestern (or maybe southeastern) town where all children are born retarded. A subplot involves the turf war between the Buttercream Gang, led by Scott who help old people in exchange for statutory molestation, and a badass unnamed gang led by Pete, Scott's former friend who taught Scott and his friend the ways of man-boy love. Eventually they fight using machine guns and nerf bats, and Scott gets hit in the face like a bitch. Everyone remembers how cool Pete's gang was since they had firecrackers and threw glass bottles onto railroad tracks. In the end, as we all know since it really happened, the gangs reconcile and Pete spreads the Buttercream Gang's message of Physical boy love and statutory molestation in a new town.

Plot[edit]

The Buttercream gang, as already mentioned, are three boys who spend their time exchanging favors for being molested, usually by older townspeople. Widow Jynkins, a 25 year old Eastern European ex-prostitute refugee, calls on them more than anyone for help, usually complaining of "falling down." The three boys usually arrive to find a nude, or sometimes lingerie-clad widow jenkins lying spread eagle on the floor saying "три отвора за три дечаци" which of course means "three holes for three boys" in Serbian. Its wierd, because widow Jynkins is Czech. The movie doesn't explain this.

Widow Jynkins preparing for the boys' arrival

The gang started in the 1840s during "The War." While men were off fighting, husbandless wives called on pre pubescent boys to have sex with them, or "churn their butter with cream." As we all know, this gang is second only to the Boy Scouts in pre adolescent boy membership today. The retarded children in their town are like living alarms since they tell the Buttercreamers when they are needed. By the end of the movie the kids pick up doing drugs from there abused life style.

Pete's Gang[edit]

Pete is this badass dude who looks like PeeWee Herman. He used to be a Buttercreamer, but then he moved to Chicago with his fine aunt and got in a real gang. He comes back and teaches two other cool dudes how to rob a retarded grocer, throw glass bottles on railroad tracks and ride bikes looking all cool. They were so cool man. Anyway, the buttercream gang surrounds Pete with boy-love, and converts him back to being a bitch. Pete moves and starts a new Buttercream gang, which, as we all know, was the start of that crazy Mormon commune with all those inbred kids from a few years back.