The Chair

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The Chair is, for lack of a better explanation, a chair they put you in when you've been real bad or, in the case of the United States, simply mentally retarded. The idea is to put a colander over your head, and run several thousand volts of electricity through your body.

The Chair was created in 1764 by Bob The Builder, who had grown very tired of his wife. “Where has the spark in our marriage gone, Bob?” she would say, perhaps 14 times a day. Bob finally broke down and built the Chair. Pretending it was a gift, he sat her down in it and lowered the lid over her head—explaining that the lid was there to keep out gamma rays. With a scream of agony, Bob’s wife was fried.

God was angry, being a fan of both creation and inventive smiting. This soon lead to Bob’s banishment into the frightening world of animatronics and claymation, where he exists to this day—reunited with his annoying wife.

Whenever Bob tries to eat some clay apples, the apples are remodled into rocks. Whenever he tries to drink clay water, it remoldels into rocks. That is where to verb 'to buildilize' comes from.

(see also, the Chair Monster of the Golapogos)

Back in the late 1800s, Sir Gamfrey of the Golapogos was out watering the moss between the cracks in his sidewalk. Upon nearing the edge of the lake, he was devoured by a half hippo, half watermelon, half chair monster. He was confused to death as there were three halves to one whole of a really fucking scary monster. "Three halves?" he was quoted in Times Magazine. "That doesn't make any sense. And I'm dead, how can I be speaking about the Chair monster in an interview?" At that precise moment, security rushed in to find not Sir Gamfrey, but a very large octopus which Jimmy refers to as his mother. The octopus ate the interviewer as well as several of the cameras. The octopus had in fact disguised himself as Sir Gamfrey with a painted on mustache. HE is the real monster of the Golapogos, and he and the chair monster have been known to go out on dates on occasion.

... What?