The Church of Gentoo
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The Church of Gentoo (not to be confused with Scientology) was founded on March 31 2002 to coincide with the first full release of its eponymous Linux version. The name derives from the Gentoo penguin which is regarded as a sacred object within the religion.
Beliefs and Worship
The core beliefs of the Church can be summed up in four distinct ideas, known as the Four Grenoble Truths, simply because the founder likes France.
- All life is a waste of time - Birth is a waste of time, ageing is a waste of time, illness is a waste of time, death is a waste of time, work is a waste of time, play is a waste of time, and so on.
- Causality of time-wasting - A lot of this time wasting is due to inefficient work on computers.
- Cessation of time-wasting - This waste of time can be ended by remedying the above: simply streamlining one's OS.
- The way leading to the cessation of time-wasting - The Noble Linux Path
In short, one must spend a long time doing certain things (upgrading, installing, compiling) in order to save a little time elsewhere.
Long initiation. First acceptance of the teachings of Gentoo by the user is a long process that can last several hours and requires a lot of user input. This has driven many prospective users away from Gentoo and towards other religions like Scientology.
The official symbol of the Church of Gentoo is the Seated Penguin, pictured. However, other unofficial mascots have emerged, including Larry the cow and Knurt the flying saucer. There is much controversy around Larry, laid out in several heated debates on the Gentoo forums. These mainly pertain to his/her gender ambiguity.