The Cranberries
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“Empty, HEEEEEheeee HEEEEEheeee HEEEEEheeee HEEEEEheeee. Empty HEEEEEheeee HEEE.....”
~ Dolores O’Riordan on The bands lyrical content
The Cranberries is a "musical" group from Ireland invented by the British government (see: Satan) to pacify the IRA by means of strong political lyrical content and singing about tanks, bombs, more bombs and guns. This project, alas, failed.
On the upside of things, after the group was killed in a freak incident involving NORAD, a B-2 Bomber and a laser guided precision warhead (plus the exact location of the band at that point in time), the rejoicing was of such magnitude that the IRA promptly disarmed and started to walk the path of peace, love and happiness (see: hippies).
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[edit] History
The Cranberries is made up of four people. Their unique synthesis has been called "...less than the sum of its parts..." and "Thoroughly pedestrian 90's crap..." and those are the good reviews. The group copied the more talented bands who played Del Crappo style music (see: Bright Red Paper), but because they lived in Ireland and not in Amsterdam or Portland they couldn't get enough pot to get high enough to reach the full potential of the genre. The band then turned to the alternative of mind reading. After the lead singer read your mind, she saw, in your head, tanks and bombs and bombs and guns and fighting and zombies. This zombie apocalypse vision became the premise of their first hit single.
[edit] The Controversy
Since the band's most popular song came from your head you decided to sue them for stealing your idea. After having sex with the judge, you won the lawsuit. Ireland was so upset at the judge's decision that they declared war against America, and branded you a war criminal.
[edit] The Irony
Irish forces landed on America's east coast August 19, 2012, thus starting the Irish-American War, not to be confused with the War Against Irish-Americans. Since all the American Army was in Iraq at the time the Irish actually had a chance to win. This meant that the tanks and the bombs and the guns and the fighting you envisioned actually came true. In order to fight back, America released a "super-zombie virus", thus completing the circle of irony.
[edit] Banishment
The Cranberries were originally derived from Satan in order to cause the war between Ireland and America, but upon listening to their music they were banished from hell for all eternity.
