The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica
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If you were looking for the page on the Empire of Antarctica, click where it says, "Empire of Antarctica". No, not there, you idiot! The blue words! The blue words!
The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica is part of the Empire of Antarctica, a large land mass that's really, really far away from the arctic -— so far that you wonder why they have such similar names. It's just as cold but has a much bigger attitude. The nice thing about it is you can save some energy by not using a refrigerator -- just toss those groceries out in the snow. Also, refrigerators can worsen the ozone hole over Antarctica.
Antarctica is the fourth largest continent in the world, and is said to be entirely owned by the empire of Antarctica. It has, however been infiltrated by some Soviet Communists, who maintain a secret base there ostensibly for "scientific research", but the likely reason is to gather intelligence on the U.S.'s top-secret weapons programs from a relatively undetectable spot.
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[edit] Government
Antarctica has no government. Order is maintained through on-the-spot agreements and the total lack of useful weapons. (In the extreme cold, metal fails almost instantly. Knives can only be used indoors. But in the relative heat of Antarctican homes, everyone is always peaceful and sedate. Even foreigners have been observed conforming to this ethic. However during the summer where it is actually warm(er) enough to have penguins come out and start communicating about trade, and who gets which glacier to hunt from, a government does form.
The combined force of penguins in antarctica is enough to enslave, butt-rape, destroy and recreate the world eleventy billion times over, but extreme and really freaking obnoxious cold forces them to remain unorganized and focus their efforts on discussing last week's "Grey's Anatomy".
The original name for the non-state was Anarchia, but this eventually fell out of use. (More precisely, the original name fell through a crevasse in the ice and was swallowed by an elephant seal.)
Antarctica does has a monarchy though. Antarctica's current Emperor (penguin) is King Flibble the XIII
[edit] Population
Antarctica's population is made up of 
Emperor penguins (give or take), and an unidentified number of snow ninja. However, some individuals correspond to more than one of these categories. Unbeknownst to most people, the dominant species in Antarctica is not the penguin, but the Dung Beetle with a population soaring above 17. These Antarctic beetles have been suspected to create snowmen, though it is yet to be proven. The feared Bigfoot is also rumored to have come form this part of the world. His constant BF's caused ice shifts and in turn created icebergs.
The primary exports of Antarctica are ice, Linux, GWAR, cocaine, cold corn, cold tobacco, Cold War and cold sores.
[edit] People Of Note
Although Antarctica is mainly made up of penguins, one human deserves mention. He is known as Pinguster4, or Pingu for short. A dedicated penguin-lover, he settled here in the wilderness of the Antarctic and rallied the penguins to band together, even if the end result was a bloody plonter. However they may have turned against him; nothing has been heard from Pinguster4 since. As for the penguins, they are thinking of competing in the 2016 Olympics and are already speed champions online.
[edit] Alternate Definitions:
- The Arctic's mother's sister. Quite a cold and chilly sort, not the type you'd want to be hugged by.
- A type of ant that lives in the arctic. This definition is the subject of a heated (or frozen) debate as to whether any sort of aunt, no matter how specialized, could survive any amount of time in a Deep Freeze.
- The place where antacids are mined.
[edit] History
Antarctica is unique among nations in that it was granted independence before being settled.
The Kingdom of Antarctica has a longer history dating back to the first millennium, but Antarctica was claimed in 1919 by the British "Empire," The penguins soon began to resent the British for high taxes and the monopolization of the fish trade. The penguin revolt of 1947, followed shortly by the Ross Shelf fish party of 1967 led the penguins and other antarctic mammals to an ongoing insurrection against the UK. After a long struggle the UK finally granted Antarctica independence in 1992.
Antarctica was settled in 1994 by Roshi Toon, a millionaire from Hunozwer, a town in an area of the world which has no government and therefore, no reason to not do anything. Toon brought a band of 100,000 men, women and aphids to the tiny King Porge Island. They began what was known as the Great Failed Experiment. No one knows why it is quoted as a failure; this is thought to be anti-Antarctican propaganda by the rest of the world's governments.
Roshi Toon, his 6 wives, 2,700 concubines, and several aphids followed him to the mainland to establish a permanent colony. Once he discovered a planting method for cold corn and cold tobacco, he immediately set to work starting an economy based on agriculture.
Aware that countries like the Soviet Union and the United States of Hysteria were planning to claim Antarctica for their exploitative purposes, Toon declared himself the "leader" of the small continent and released a press statement saying he had developed a doomsday machine capable of destroying the entire world via nuclear condetonation. This prompted the United Nations to immediately attack the U.S. Navy, which had sailed south in an attempt to halt the progress of the new colony. To this day, Americans do not know how to build boats. Therefore, the Soviet Union was victorious in the take over of Antarctica and the Antarctic Soviet War Campaign officially ended in June 2006.
Toon received a No Bell Anarchy Prize on June 2, 1998, and he hung it in the Antarctican Commons Building.
Antarctica continues to this day to be a completely anti-authoritarian non-state. Its media rarely issues important reports because there is nothing to report on. An exception to this is the yearly punk rock festival in Toon, and the occasional Linux update. But the bands tend to have no subject matter other than, "It's so cold," and Linux is no good, so the world's newspapers never report on anything that happens there.
To this day, Antarctican settlers never leave the mainland, giving outsiders the impression that no one lives there. Many fear that they will be made citizens of other countries, or drafted into the Soviet Army.
There is also a secret clown school in Antarctica founded by Leonardo Da Vinci after he found clown Julius Caesar's lost diary.
[edit] Atlantis
Some people say that Atlantis may be found under the unknown miles of ice. Of course, they're morons, because Atlantis is just a silly myth written by a drunken homosexual Greek named Platypus. Much like Antarctica. The myth part, not the drunken homosexual Greek part. Atlantis doesn't have penguins, though, which kind of shoots the whole nutty theory in the foot.
[edit] Exports
[edit] Film Industry
After Los Angeles, Bollywood, India and Kiev, Ukraine, Antarctica produces more movies than any other place in the world. Among it's best known works are April of the Puffins, Scott of the Sahara, Antarctica minus Five-O, and Beverly Tundra 90210. In addition, an Antarctican film actually made it to America and had wild box-office success; that movie is known only as March of the Penguins.
[edit] Language
The official languages of Antarctica are Lalagu and | Antarctican, though efforts by the Americans are underway to erase it from existence.
Other in use languages, although widely unaccepted include LEETspeak, Swedish Chef, Flock-of-Seagulls-anese, MoviePhone, and crazy cat lady.
[edit] See also
- Kingdom of Antarctica (the KA article is so much better than this one)
- March of the Penguin Brothers
- Nonsense
- WTF
- Tasmania
- Cold War
- Chile
- New Zealand
- The Antarctic Empire
- Dan Cloutier
- Ignacius Aloysius
- Antarctican language
- Bipolar bear
- Linux
